Hey Cutesy Ugsly...

Have you ever seen anyone that is so ugly that if you look at them long enough they actually become cute? I think I am just a tad bit off center mentally.

I used to work with a chick that the guys around the office affectionatley called "Mud Duck." I guess it wasn't too affectionate, because I'm sure she didn't know that was her knickname. I spelled it Knick, because honestly, the bitch looked like Patrick Ewing. She wasn't his height or anything, but just imagine Pat was hit with a mallet, shrunk down to about 5'5".

This chick probably had the best body in the entire office, but damn, this face was an injustice to her tits and ass. You almost wanted to replace her face with her ass, because you wouldn't have any qualms with kissing it. I bullshit you not.

I remember while on one of my two hour lunches I journied over to her desk. Of course I was drunk, but not yet shit faced. I mean I still had like 5 hours left on my shift. So, I go over to Mud duck's desk ad start chatting. So of course the subjects of titties comes up. Don't ask me why, it just always comes up in conversations with me. So I'm like;

"Yo, I seen your pics on your myspace page, real nice pics, I swear I saw a nipple though."

"You saw a little bit, haha."

"Well, let me see the whole thing right now then."

"I'm on a call crazy, haha."

"They on the phone, they can't see your tits."

"True."

She plops out her tits. I don't know if it was plopped or flopped. But they came out. Instant hard on. It don't take my ass long to stand at attention. But while the blood was rushing from my upper head to the lower one, she became cute to me for some reason. As she sat talking to her client, I squinted and was like; "she isn't half bad."

Not bad at all. She kind of looked like a lion. Yeah, she had a lion face. Grrrrrrrr Niggas Grrrrrrr. At that point I realized that once a mudduck chick gets your dick a little hard, she isn't all that ugly anymore. The universe is a wonderful happening that way.

So I stumble back to my desk to get my cigs, so I could go outside to drink and smoke with my peeps. I go outside and I am immediately asked what I was doing by her desk. I didn't tell them of course, I be respecting bitches yo. Yup.

Anyway, I come to find out that the topic of conversation was her. One of the fellas had words with her over something, and being drunk at work equals yelling in the parking lot. Oh yeah, I was never the only one drunk at work, it was a group effort. So, they are berating this lady something terrible. I'm just sitting back kind of disappointed in the rhetoric because after all, not too long before that I was ready to fuck her at her desk. Niggas are talking about how ugly she is. I pretty much thought this was high schoolish and came to her defense;

"Ya'll leave her alone man, she is cool, she's a sweet person."

"Nigga please that bitch has a fucked up attitude, I can't stand that ugly bitch yo."

After seeing her tits up close I explained further;

"Yeah, I lnow her attitude is fucked sometimes but she is, she is cute in her own little ugly way."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Okay, was I wrong? I mean she was cute in an ugly way. I think there is a point where you are so ugly that it crosses the threshold and all of a sudden you are a dime. I don't know, its just my opinion. Now, if she was cockeyed, I don't knowif I could LOOK PAST THAT. I think that shit is contagious.

I will tell ya'll how her ugly cuteness was deaded for me though. One day my boy comes to be and says to me;

"Yo Rev, you feel like being grossed out? Aye, go look at mudduck's ears."

"Why?"

"Haha, just go look playa."

"Aight, fuck it, its time for my break anyway."

I had just got to work 20 minutes before this break. In the constitution it says that Black folks are 3/5 of a person, so I do about that amount at my job. Sue me.

But I go over and strike up a meaningless conversation. At the end of the convo, I give her a little hug so I could look in her ear. I was expecting an earpeice or something. Hellllllssss Nah. What I found was a shitload of crust in her ear. This wasn't like a flake of wax. Nah, this was enough to make into a record.(For you young fuckers, a record is what we played before cd's, young ass bastards) but yes.
I immediately lost the feelings in my legs. I felt faint. Now I know I can be a tad bit nasty, sloppy or what have you, but this shit was just too much.

I don't think I spoke more than 5 words to her a day after that mess. One day, she came to my desk and asked why I was "acting" funny. And the only thing I could come up with was;

"You are just too ugly for me to want you to suck my dick."

"What? Fuck you!"

Another friend lost to my brutal honesty. I could have went to her desk and apologized. But seriously, how would it even get through to her? I mean, that was a lot of crust!

Fin