Cuzzo

Dear Cousin,

I have thought about a lot this week. I don’t know why exactly this week in particular, I just did. For months since you passed I really didn’t come to terms with it. Sure, I put up a front that I was okay, but really I wasn’t. You passed 30 days after our grandma passed. It is almost like she was your heartbeat. And I guess that is rightly so. May times I scroll through my phone, and I see your name, and I just want to call you, and say what’s up. I ant to ask what you are doing, and if we could hang out or something. I am mad out myself for not spending as much time with you as I should have. Like a fool, I chose to hang out with the so called “cool” relatives. You were the cool one. You were the smart one. You didn’t care about the things we did. Your head was on right. And you brought a lot of good to many people. I remember when we was living in the same house, and all the bullshit we would do. On bunk beds, grown assed men. Like, remember I was on the top bunk, any I would wake up every damn morning it seemed, and hit my head? Your ass would crack up, and I would be pissed and dizzy. I remember we talked the pastor of the church into supplying us with a computer to build a website. LOL, remember when I came home drunk, and I thought the site had disappeared, only to find out I spelled Baptist. Babtist? Man, we go back some time. Remember when I found a bag of dimes in the basement, and I got yelled at because I didn’t want to split the money with yall? I would do almost anything to hear your laugh right now man. We had so many deaths in our family in 2007, but none affected me like yours did. I miss you like crazy. Its like I cant imagine going to a cook out, or a family gathering without seeing you. Dude, you and I bought the same car, from the same dealer, and the same salesman. We would be in church making each other crack up. It was fun teasing you when you sang in the choir. I know your ass was just moving your lips, you would tell me otherwise though. I remember when I would go to your school, and chill with you and your students back in the day. Man, I don’t even know how I made it out alive. I taught them dudes how to drink. When you graduated, I was so fucking proud. I was so anxious to go to the ceremony. I was mad that most o the family wasn’t there. I think Danish was standing up on a chair trying to get a picture. Auntie was so proud, I was so proud. I never got you though. You were so different from us. If I had to compare you to anyone it would be Dre. Ya’ll dudes are cool as a fan. Nothing seems to faze you. I wish I was more like you. I didn’t realize it until after you left us. I miss you man. These days I don’t know what to do. I want to call for advice. I just want to kick it with you. I want to go bowling or something. Anything! Today, I saw this car that looked like yours, and damned if I didn’t stand in the middle of the street just staring. This family is lost now cousin. It has been months, but we are still shocked. I have so much I want to say to you. It all boils down too, that I love you and we miss you.