THE YEAR OR SOMETHING LIKE IT ~~ PART ONE

Ah ha, another year down and gone. I am quite surprised I made it through. The beginning of 2007 was just crazy, and now I look back on it, and take a deep sigh of relief. I am guessing 2008 will have to be a bang up year, it has to be. In years past, I probably kept on with the same patterns. Oh shit, I can see this is going to be a lot of randomness in this here post. I don’t know just how many times I have to wake up, and see things for what they are, I mean finally see. I used to fight for things that aren’t really worth fighting for, now I am just like “fuck it” because I don’t need any bullshit in my life. A little over a year ago, I was in therapy, and the counselor and I had a lot of heart to hearts, or I should say crazy to therapist. She knows me better than my own mother knows me, I let her know some grimy details, even things I haven’t even posted on here. We would discuss many things in the time I had to talk, and thank goodness for health insurance, because I would not be able to afford that shit on my own. One day she asked me right at the beginning; “Why do you fight the battles that aren’t worth it in the end?” That was a good question. She pulled out her notes and started mentioning things I told her in previous sessions. She then began to run down things and people I may consider cutting out of my life. Everyone mentioned was toxic, but I am more loyal than I give myself credit for. I can laugh about it now. Back then, my ex would drive up there with me a couple of times, and my therapist was adamant on my dropping her like a bad habit. And the funny thing is that the chick would ask me what we talked about, and (lol) my response was always “oh nothing, just private stuff.” I learn the hard way I guess.

The end of 2007, this insane “fuck it” attitude came over me, I men it always does, but this one is for keeps. I can give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. My trust level, as I said is at an all time low. But that is a good thing, a very good thing. All it is taking now is just a word or a feeling, and it’s a wrap. Call me president bush or something. Because now its either, you are with me or against me. Man, I have even went back in my thoughts, sat back and thought; “damn, that dude was on some bullshit, fuck ‘em too.” Or something like; “that chick isn’t even worth talking too.” Now I have my own personal myspace page in my mind. (click)EDIT FRIENDS (click) DELETE – ARE YOU SURE? (click) YOU GODDAMNED RIGHT I’M SURE!

This is all bittersweet too. In 2008 I have decided to just do what I have to do for me. It isn’t like I wasn’t before, but this year is different. For a while I am going to love my child from a far distance. I cannot do it anymore. I am tired of the bullshit that goes down with her mother. I am tired of gong to court for bullshit reasons. I am tired of just asking and trying to be a good parent, being the ONLY good parent. I mean, how hard is it to wash a kids clothes, or to have them in bed by a certain hour, or to teach them how to tie their own shoe, or teach them how to read? I don’t think it is hard at all, and al of those things I love doing with my child, but I will not subscribe to the non sense of the custodial parent. For example, not too long ago, my child and I had a great week, took her and picked her up from school, went to the library, tried to teach her to tie her shoe, and if that wasn’t enough, when we got home, it was reading time for an hour and a half. I mean damn, how much better can it get? Now, my child’ mom, boy oh boy is she a doozy. I can make an entire blog on her lack of mothering skills, a blog that would make this one look exactly like the shit it is. SHI-TAY!

This chick has my kid in church 6 days out of the week, until 11, maybe 12 at night. Not one night, but 5 to 6 days. I mean, even Jesus would be like slow the fuck down. I pick my child up from school. Hair is a fucking mess, clothes are a fucking mess, shoes and coats that I bought, are a fucking mess. One day I went to get her, I damn near fell out. She had my daughter looking like a refugee that came over from border of Dominican Republic and Haiti, on an inner tube and a strong dirty wind. At the time I had not seen my daughter in maybe a month or so, maybe more. Everytime I tried to get her, there was an excuse. No biggie, but still. What I do when I get my kid is take her somewhere immediately to get her hair done, it is a must, especially since when I try to do it, you can pick up space signals from the way I have her pony tails. This last time I surprised her, and got her from school, her hair had the same braids, bows, and style it was from 5 weeks prior. I mean, there wasn’t even an attempt to try to do it in over a month!!! A fucking month?!!! This is the type of shit I have been dealing with all these years, and I am tired. I will have my daughter longer than the weekend I am supposed to have her, and I do not hear from her mother until the following Monday or Tuesday. No contact, no way to reach her, or the calls are screened. I came to this love from a distance thing, because, when my daughter is with me, and she goes home she tells her mom what she did with her dad, and I am sure there is some jealousy. The last time I told the mom I was going to get my kid from school, the bitch said she would call the cops and tell them I kidnapped her. Now, what type of bullshit is that? She has crossed me many times before, and I will be damned if I get locked up again over another lie. It hurts like hell to think of doing it, but I cant deal with bullshit anymore. I am one of the fathers out here that gives a fuck, but the courts don’t know, better yet, they don’t care. I am just another nigger with a child out of wedlock. I am just another nigger that they say has some rights, but in reality, the only right I have is to pay child support. No rights in decision making. For me it’s over. No more bullshit. I’m done with it.

I am free to go.

This has been in the planning for some time. I’m out. I don’t know when exactly, but I am getting the fuck out of here somehow, going somewhere. I keep forgetting to call up sprint and change my cell number. I have some loyalty to the number, I mean I have had it for damn near three years. The shit is all over my resume. I guess that would be an easy fix. 2008 has to be the year for me, where I am like forget it all. I don’t have anymore responsibilities bogging me down. Nothing major anyways. A long time ago, I would just be ready to bounce, and then you had the naysayers, talking that “oh, what about this person and that person.” LOL, fuck it now. My responsibility is to me, and no one else. A selfish attitude, yes. But who in this world gets anywhere in life without being a tad bit selfish? If you know me, you would know that normally, I don’t have a problem sharing with anyone, I really don’t, if I have it, it’s yours, if I don’t, we can split what I got.

The neighbors are loud as fuck!



Open Letter Time.

Sweetie you must have lost your mind if you think I will relinquish the remote. I LOL at that. Ya hear me? LOL. You are a blessing, and have been for years. WTF took you so long to come around anyways? I blame you for this bullshit that has happened in the last, lets say seven years. Lord, you owe me big time. How can you have a shoe size the same as the ring size? It has to be an act of da lawd. Vegas in march damnit! I don’t think they do shaft weddings. What about a seventies joint? Can I call you “lil stout”? I love you. You know that, right? You do.

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LOL, I saw your comment, but the fact is that you are really a hoe. I mean, don’t be ashamed of it, I mean hoes do what they have to do to survive. What is funny is that I do listen. I hear everything, it may not register at the time. But I do have what people in your faith do not have, and it is called critical thinking. you see, I cant be friends, or aven an associate with your type. Them days are over, and have been for a while. I’m not a child, I don’t like to play games. There’s a saying that you can draw more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. The problem is that you gave away so much honey, that now your shit is looking like vinegar. Damn, do something other than sitting in the house all day, claiming a new man every other week. It’s like now you are just a machine. Niggas know what they are going to do with you, and keep doing with you. Now, the term hoe can be flipped to have a better meaning. It is a tool used to sow fertile earth. You’re fertile, so let them niggas keep sowing. I am glad I didn’t get caught up in that farmland. The milks gone bad. I got me a milf, and thank your invisible Jesus I do.

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Dude, I cant fuck around like that. I don’t get it. Here we are cool as a fan for the most part, but when you get around folks, you start acting funny style. And it isn’t like the other people don’t know us both, but still you want to try to play a nigga out. Wtf is up with that man? But then I had to think. I had to go back in the past. This is what you do. I guess it is your MO or something. Damn, since we were kids, its always been some bullshit. I don’t like coming around, and wondering which nigga is going to show up. I mean is it the same dude I was just laughing about something with? Or is it going to be the dude I have to step on eggshells around. I cant fuck around with fools that want to respect me when it is convenient for them. That shit is absurd. If you can be real with me on Monday, do the same shit on Tuesday. I don’t hate on niggas for what they have, and no one should hate on me because I don’t have to do the shit they do. But, I have been seeing this for years, but I am loyal, too loyal. How loyal are you?

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What’s good e-thug. This is for anyone actually. There are some boards I go on. Some I would frequent, but don’t post on as much. But I just LOL (I actually laugh when I type this), but I just laugh my ass off, to see some people bunjee jumping off of another posters nuts like “wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.” Sad, I tell ya. There is so much pussy on the web, but it takes a special nigga to tell another nigga in private that he fucking some chick. You fucked it up for the next niggas. I mean, unless it is board community pussy, like my ex, but other than that, some niggas is just messy, sloppy. Some niggas is just mad they caught a cramp in the caravan eating snatch, and got no get back (LOL’s again)
Please, for the love of good health, stop trying to start shit where shit doesn’t exist.

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Chelle, I don’t have whore stories, I have save a whore stories. 2008 is going to be a bang up year. I am glad you are my friend. I promise to help you put down the weller’s if you help me with the follow through. I promise not to hit the button, if you promise not to sing don’t drink the wine. I think Korea passed out with some champagne in her hand, last I saw was happy ne…..
Tell ern I read on the news that juvenile was arrested at the Mexican border, they asked him his status, but they couldn’t understand that bayou talk. The federalizes took his ass to jail huh.

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Dude at the liquor store around the corner. I really hope they fire your ass. I mean I don’t wish anyone to lose their gig, but you are the slowest and the worse. I mean, all I ever get is a bottle of red wine. Why the fuck does it take you so long to comprehend what I am saying? I don’t even know what your ethnicity is. I think you are a Punjab, but I am not too sure. And I think another thing is that you look slow. Not like mentally challenged, but just a fucking idiot. I am willing to bet that you dribble drool when you read the Pakistani funny papers. How hard is it to count the change dude? You have a register! I buy a slim jim, fifty cents, fizithty cents, I give you a dollar. BAM! Immediate change man, how hard? But nah, you back there counting with your fingers and shit. Jack ass.


Man, I have some work to do.


Part One