Things To Do When Drunk, and Not in Denver (Male Whore Stories)

Things To Do When Drunk, and Not in Denver (Male Whore Stories)


Some years ago, I had a horrendous drinking problem. Not with alcohol, but I would drink liquids, but the contents would always fall out of my mouth. And I was usually shit faced drunk hen this occurred. In 1997, I worked at a pharmaceutical company in the help desk department. It was supposed to be a 8 week assignment, but I actually ended up staying there for an entire year. I had moved to my father’s ex wife’s house, here my brother and sister lived as well. It was all good in the beginning. I was making okay money for that time, and I didn’t have to pay much to stay where I was staying. There was one problem though. This was the most boring town I have ever lived in, in my life. There was absolutely nothing to do at all. If you ever heard of a one horse town, this was it.
The bottom line is that, there as nothing to do there. I would wreck my brain looking to find something to do all the time. During those days I wasn’t much a beer drinker, my drink as old grand dad, 100 proof. I can’t remember who put me on to it. I know it was one of my uncles. I had a killer toothache one day, and the pain killers weren’t doing for me that day. He told me “you need to get you some whisky, knocks it right on out.” The shit knocked me out right along with the pain sometimes. That was the beginning of my love affair with whiskey. At that point in my life, all I knew was weed anyways.

But in this one horsed assed town, I didn’t know where to cop from. I would have to take the train all the way back home, but then I would always wind up smoking it all up in my own hood. I would go back to the town, empty handed. I figured that my step mother wouldn’t think it was cool of me to smoke weed anyways. Especially, if the kids were around, don’t ant to be a bad influence. So, I just because a damned lush.

There was a little town bar, called the station café. There was nothing but middle aged to old heads in there. I felt like a fish out of water going in there after work at first, but in a couple weeks time, I was like norm from cheers. The bartender Charlie would ask me why I drank granddad. I didn’t know why at that point. All I know is that, I had a good sleep every night. He suggested that I try something called Johnny Walker red. Johnny and I became great friends. Took a day or two to know how I wanted it. It became, double shot, 3 pieces of ice, and a splash of water. I would easily drink maybe 6-7 of those a night. I remember it being maybe 3-4 bucks then.

One night I come into the bar, and there is this chick sitting in what I would say was my seat. It wasn’t a big thing, I was there to get shit faced. She gets up and walks to the back to go to the bathroom. She had one of the fattest asses I seen. My man Steve saw my eyes bulging out of my head, and came over to dare me to try to get with her. She probably had a few years on my then, could have been around 32 or so. She comes back and sits down, so I ask her how she was doing. Nothing. No reply. This chick is just rude. I am sitting right next to her. Rude assed bitch! There was music playing, but not that loud that she couldn’t hear me. So, I was like fuck her.

I walk over to chat with Steve, and he is like;

“What’s up playboy? What she talking about over there?”

“Man, fuck her, I was going to buy her a drink, but she can’t even say hello back”

“Why don’t you (he starts wiggling his fingers around like he was doing gang signs”

“What the hell is that? Is that how ya’ll pick up women in this town? Hand dancing?”

“I forgot to tell you, she is deaf youngin” (he LOL’s)

“(blank face)”

I go back and sit down, and tap her on the shoulder, and say hello. She nods and smiles back. I ask Rick, the bartender to get her a drink on me. She actually says thank you. But she sounded like Chewbacca from star wars when she spoke. Okay I’m thinking, fuck this, I will not be sitting here all night listening to baby chewy, shit made my dick go soft. I go in my bag and break out the notebook from work. And I start writing down everything. Like, what’s your name, age, etc. this went on for a few more nights. It was all good. By the end of the week, I didn’t even want to hit it. There was nothing wrong with her or anything, I just lost interest. But one night, she had her own little notebook, and wrote down in capital letters;

I AM SO HORNY RIGHT NOW


Bingo! It was about that time. I didn’t know anything about anything in this town, other than where I lived, and the bar. But I knew I wasn’t going to take her to my place. I had to find a hotel, motel or a holiday inn somewhere. I wanted to smash so bad that I had wrote back

LETS GET OUT OF HERE THEN.

We walk outside, without any destination in site. It was the winter time, so we had our gloves on. She could read my lips a little bit. I know from our notebook sessions, that she didn’t live close at all, she just hung out at the bar until her train came most of the time. And I don’t remember her living situation. I ask her where is a hotel at, she says to me;

“Rownnn noooob phlppptttttt, bongggg doof”

“Ohhhhhhhhhkay then”

Steve comes walking out of the bar, or I should say, staggering out of the bar. I ask him where a hotel is at that was close. He tells me about some starlight hotel that is like 30 miles away, and a cab would take me for about 35 bucks. Oh hells nah. But took one look at that ass. Fuck it, I’m game. Luckily for me, my siblings uncle was a cab driver, and I got out there for close to nothing. We get to the starlight. Thank goodness it was a short stay available there, I wasn’t springing for any over night, even if it came with a free breakfast.

Almost as soon, as we are in the room, her clothes were peeling off. She motioned that she was going to the bathroom to take a shower. Good shit, love a gal that freshens up before hand. I had a joint, so I was smoking as soon as I sat on the bed, while looking for flicks on the television. The joint was a phat one, full of goods, Cambodian. I’m sitting on the bed in my boxers, I put the joint out, I was good. She was in the shower what seemed like forever. She came out finally, and motioned to the half a joint in the ashtray. Sure, go ahead I nodded.

See this is the messed up thing. We couldn’t have a normal conversation. And when I smoke I start to analyze things to the finest point. But, oh man, that weed must have hit her something serious, she just started cracking up. Oh shit I thought, I was bugging, I was thinking maybe the weed would bring back her hearing or some shit. I’m silly like that. If it can help someone with glaucoma see, then hell, why cant it bring the deaf back their hearing? She was just giggling her ass off, and then attempted to “talk” to me. The fool I am, was talking back;

“You like the weed?”

“Wouuuuwnnnnnnnnn erbbbbbb”

“Yeah, its them goods, that cambo”

“Bllllpppt wounnnnn arbbbbbbbb?”

“No doubt”

What the fuck was I doing? She got a crazy look in her eyes, like she was about to eat me up or something. And in my paranoid weed thinking, anything is possible. She could be like a new serial killer or something. Kills men, and cuts their ear drums out or something, wears the drums as a necklace. Leaves notes in brail or something. Calls herself the Helen Keller Killer or some shit. At the thought of it all, I started laughing myself. I had a half pint of JWR in my bag, and started pouring myself a few shots, throwing them back. I gave her a few also. After the second shot, she pulled my dick out, and was going to town. I sat back, drinking the shots, and smoking a cigarette.

This was living. I felt kind of bad though. That damn weed will make your ass think a little too much. There was something that seemed a little bit immoral about it all. That ended quickly. There was a porn on the television. The dude was calling the chick all types of names, she was telling him what to do and how hard to do it.

A light went off in my head, this was going to be my shit talking debut. Now, up until that point I would say nothing when having sex. I would go in, do my job, and focus on the matter at hand. I had no time for small talk. But ah ha! Not this evening. The shit that started coming out of my mouth, I don’t even know if I can type them. I can, but damn. She starts to look up at me while my dick is down her throat, and I’m like; “don’t look at me hoe, just keep sucking that dick.” Man, don’t you know, you cant say no shit like that when your dick is between lips and teeth. Thank goodness she didn’t read lips that well, or heard vibrations of what I said. Or I would be writing this as Ole Stubby.

I’m not going to nut from head, never have, and probably never will. I was ready to fuck. I throw different rubber on, and I flip her ass over on her back. She wasn’t no amateur, that’s for damned sure. She threw her legs up, and held them up with her own arms. She did have me by like 7 years or so, no pussy like new older pussy I guess. One thing I could not get into was the deaf moans. I mean it was sounding like, like on national geographic, they go underwater to record the sperm whales mating calls. It was like I was fucking Chewbacca’s sister.

Just so I didn’t have to listen to her, I started making my own noise. This was a pure comedy fuck on my part. I was saying everything under the sun. I was drunk and high as hell. I am just like;

“Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh Bitttcccchhhhhhh, Take this dick hoe asses bitch assed hoe assed bitch!!!”

“Wounnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, ooooooooooooppppppppahhhhhh”

“What the fuck is oooopah hoe?!”

I got her on all fours, and man listen, the porn me, started all the shit I have never done before. I am pulling the chicks hair, smacking the ass with all the strength I could muster. She is digging this shit though.

“Urbbbbbbbbbb gwannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn”

“Yeah bitch”

She lost her damn mind when I was hitting it from the back. I had her ankles gripped in my hands, and her head was almost hitting the headboard, only to be stopped by one of her hands. One hand was switching from getting balance, and holding that ass open even more, while she was throwing it back something serious. The room had a mirror where I could see us in. the whole time I am sweating, and making fuck faces in the mirror. I mean I am striking poses and shit. Talking mad shit, I mean, she couldn’t hear me. I mean I am saying things like, I’m going to fuck your sister tomorrow, I’m going to fuck you until you hear what I’m saying. And as soon as I say the shit, I look in the mirror and crack up. I looked on the night stand, and Johnny Walker had a look of shock on his face. I pulled out for a hot minute to reposition her, so that I am standing on the side of the bed, and directly in front of the mirror. Now this is the first shit out of her mouth that I could understand. I was on some fuck it shit. I was about to put it in her ass. Why not, right?

“Uhn uhnnnnnnn, nooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, touuu migggggggggg, touuu migggg!!!! Uhnnn Uhhnnnn”

“Really bitch? Thanks”

Oh man, I was terrible that night. After I came, I was too through. The weed, the liquor, busting an amazing nut had done my young ass in. i went in and took a shower, and as soon as I came out, I was out like a light. When I woke up, it was pretty much time to leave, I did call down to the front desk to extend the room stay for a few more hours, so I can get some more time to sleep. She had to go, she had her own money, so that was good. She wrote out that she would be at the bar next week. When I did see her at the bar, she saw me messing around with some chick and caught an attitude. I tried to explain but,

She wasn’t trying to hear me.