Once, I F**ked a Midget

So one night I am getting a ride home from a chick with some great tits. And we are talking about some crazy ex of hers, and somehow the subject of midgets came up. I dont know why, but it did. So, I am saying.....

Me "yo, I would fuck a midget"
Her"You would fuck a midget"
Me"Wait, I did fuck a midget"

When I got home I immediately recollected the midget stripper I smashed in the bathroom of a now gone local bar. I dont remember her name, so she will be referred to as Midge, the vertically challened hoodrat of 1998. Now, this is nothing that I am proud of, or wish to brag about. But seriously, how many of you have fucked a real live midget? Zilch, probably. My only regret that is was not on film of some sort.Well perhaps.

My friends had just "came home" after some years, so it was basically one of the just home from prison rituals. Go to the strip club, get crazy drunk, and try to get these dudes some pussy. I mean damn man. You home for 2 months and the only ass you got was from the chick that did a bid with you? Fuck that. We going out dawg. I dont know how we even maintained jobs. We was a mainstay at the bars for 5 stright weeks. And all we ever drank was Bacardi 151. straight. No chaser. what the fuck was I thinking? These niggas was the ones who was locked up forever, not me. Shit. Forever the trooper huh, Flav?

So, one night we decide to go to the dirtiest place known to man at the time, I think it was called Lucky's Palace or some shit. Cant remember. and besides, its been torn down for a while. And for good reasons, I tell you. It is a regular weeknight, maybe a tuesday, or a wednsday or some shit. So basically, the strippers were not anything to glare at, however, after 7 shots of 151, the bitches looked like buffy the body.

That 8th shot that night changed my life.Now I need to explain. There is something about 151 that does something. If you start drinking it straight, it is imperative that, that is the only drink for the rest of the evening. I see why white boys are always getting so fucked up> They like to play around and drink different shit. But living in the hood, nigga, you better just thank God that you have enough money for shots, a cab ride home(if lucky) and enough money for condoms.
So after this 8th shot, it was pretty much apparent that I was going to get some pussy. I mean shit, I had the rubbers already. this is before magnums, so you would have to buy two 3 packs. wasnt trying to go out like willy lump lump

Where was I? Oh, 8th shot. I am invincible. Now my boys were googlin the chicks on the stage, but me I done caught a bitch eye. Now she was thick as hell. The lights were low, but on weekday smut night, you cannot expect the creme de la creme. Is that how that shit is spelled?

So, she comes over to where I am sitting, and asks for a tip. never, I'm really not into that shit. call me a cheap bastard or what have you. If you chose to show your pussy to everyone, then shit, we both are winners. because no matter where you go, there is a white or indian dude in the corner with stacks of cash looking for some brown sugar. and will pay a grip, just to catch VD, bragging rights on the golf course ya know?

Shiitttttt, boy am I drunk. But it is 151, and I am super drunk, and invincible. I cannot be stopped.
Me"Why you asking for tips? you should give me all your money after i fuck you"
Midge"Nigga, I dont be trickin' for no bullshit..."
Me"so what do you trick for?"
Midge"I dont"
Me"Oh, I cant tell, you got some nice titties"
STOP

Yeah, i have no game, but what's the use of having game if you are handsome and have a nice sized dick?" anything after that with me at that time was just a bonus. here comes the bonus.

Me"Listen, I am not into all of this club shit, I know you dont want to be doing this shit. I am not going to tip you, but I can get you a drink."
Midge"Word nigga? Game"
Me"Naw, I'm serious, I'll get you what I'm drinking"
Midge"And what's that? shit, you fucking with that 151 nigga, nawwww"
Me"You got some nice ass titties"

So, she caves in and we talk for another 8 minutes i guess. She drank like 3 shots of that shit. It was 3 dollars a shot, so the bitch just cost me 9 bucks. yeah, I'm fucking. damned that. I go to the end of the bar where my boy was at. now this dude is an ultimate hater. i know he had the rubbers and shit, but all of a sudden, this fuck says he didnt, bring any because he didnt want to disrespect his girl. NEGRO, YOU CHEAT ON HER WITH THE UGLIEST BITCH IN THE HOOD. that was my train of thought at the time. he'd rather me go raw on some useless skank, and watch me die a horrible death. Just so he could say...

"You know, they was in my back pocket, my bad yo, can you sign this?"

So, now my invincible drunk ass is out the door on the way to the 24 hour bodega. 5 blocks down the fucking road, in the middle of january, with a triple fat goose that was apparently on a diet. There were feathers flying out of the jacket every step i ran. Just to what? Buy Rubbers. Saftey first kids. Dinosaurs didnt die because of a meteor, they died because they had no rubbers. that is science.Long Story Short...HAHAHAH....SHORT....I kill me.

I get back, sweating in the winter. Almost died due to running on ice patches, and damn near breaking my head open. i get back inside, and I am greeted at the bar, by Midge, and a double shot of 151. I was so drunk, I'd figured the chick would be the one, for the night. Now, I know this bar, and what happened in the back at times. Now was mine time. Fuck it, my boys still watching, and aint doing nothing. What was I? 22 at the time. i think. I dont even say anything, this chick is like her set was finished soon, and she wanted to talk to me where it was less noise. BINGO. so the rendevous is set up. Her shit is through, and she casually walks to the back. and I am not really paying any mind, just telling my boys that "i'll be back". i said it with invincibility. 151 invincible man. They was fucked up too, but pussyless. i win.

so, I go to this back room. why was this bitch like every bit of 4 feet? why was her head shaped like that? what the fuck was wrong with the lights in the front?!!! why the fuck was my dick still hard? the walk had to have sobered me up a little bit, because this is not the same chick i spent 9 bucks for some shots, subtract the shot she got me, which makes it 6, but still and all, she was behind the bar, and if she wanted to impress me, just give me the 3 bucks back, and i can get my own shot, thank you. thats a rent is due tomorrow rant. so i am like.....

Me"Yo, how tall are you?"
Midge"I dont know, maybe 4 feet 1 or some shit"
Me"what the fuck? This some weird shit, are you a.....?
Midge"everyone in my family is short like me"
Me"Was your family in the circus or some shit?"

she still had nice titties though....

Yeah, I fucked the shit out of her. You see, there is some things that you can do with midgets. i was even thinking of getting her number. i really wanted her to sit indian style on my dick and spin her around like a top, while she screamed 'wheeee" i know. I am a sick bastard. but from what I hear, they serve 151 in hell. so I may be okay.