Personal Space

You know, being a commuter isn't the best thing for me. There are so many people around you, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, smelling. I don't know how I get up to do each each day. When I first moved to JC, I had to get accustomed to the way of life at the bus depot. You see, when you wait, people get in line according to who got there first, second, third and so on. Took me a few weeks and a thousand dirty looks when I was the last to get there and the first to get on the bus. I mean, it was like these people didn't understand survival of the fittest and what not. Perhaps I am the ultimate bigot, so I always found a way to cut in front of an immigrant.

Green card: "Hey!!!!"
Me: "Oh, didn't realize you spoke english, with that dot on your head and all."

Yeah, yeah. I'm fucked up sometimes. But who isn't? But what really pisses me off is the invasion of personal space. Like for instance, right now, some fucker, with all the room in the world on the bus has to sit less than 10 inches from me. That is a total invasion to me. If I was already drunk, I would have faked a yawn, and caught him with surprise elbow. I doubt I'd be charged with anything, because I keep my Full bottle of anti-depressants in my bag. I would have pulled them out, showed him and said sorry. That may be a little extra, but oh well, right?

It is my belief that a person hs a certain radius. I'm guessing about five feet in diameter. Or as far as my arm can reach, depending on the situation. When the sars and the bird flu was going on, the radius was extended to about 7 to 10 feet. 15 feet when in chinatown.

When I am on an escalator, I absolutley hate when someone's face is 3 inches from my ass. Those are the times that I swish I ate bean and cabbage soup. I mean, you will learn a lesson. I'm such a proponent of personal space rules that I'd take a shit on myself right there just to educate someone. I'm all for educating people.

I have had many break ups because of my belief. There are times when I had to go against it, my own rule. I'm nicely packed but I'm unable to fuck from 5 feet away. Its a nice thought, but if I had a dick that size, the only pussy I would be getting is from elephants and sperm whales. Maybe not whales, because I'm not a great swimmer. However, I would create the worlds first pornographic circus...

"Performing Live, The Animal Fucker!!!"

I mean, call me selfish, but sometimes I just don't want anyone in my near surroundings. My ex had a huge fucking head. And sometimes, she would want to lay her head on my shoulder. Its cute at first, but then the shit starts wearing you down. When you can't lift your arm to use the remote, then there's a problem occuring. One night she was sleep on the couch and when she got up, the spot where her head was laying looked like it was hit by a comet. When I asked was she related to rocky dennis, she asked "who?" I gave her some wise chips, said nevermind and chuckled. She did look like cher kinda. Hmmmmmm.

I guess I have a mild case of claustrophobia. It may not be mild, because I don't even think I spelled it right. Another thing is that I don't really like talking up close and personal. I know I may have newport and liquor breath, but those are endearing odors. But what I don't want is someone with horrible breath tlking to me, and their stink breath bouncing off my face, and hitting them in the nose. Leading them to believe that not only am I the animal fucker, but I also perform cunnilingus on said animal. See, people with horrible breath do not realize it. I never understood why when someone tells you a secret in your ear, it travels through your head to your nose.

One time when my daughter was about two, an oodle of noodle got stuck in her nose. Couldn't have been on my watch, because I don't eat them, nor fed them to her. But man oh man. That shit was a horrible smell. I thought it was from her sucking her fingers. The whole time it was a noodle. I felt bad because, I was nervous that maybe she would have that forever. I yelled at her mother all the time and asked if she had food, then why was she feeding the baby bowls of shit. I love when my daughter gave me hugs and kisses, but its messed up when you have to brace yourself for close contact with your offspring. Thank goodness we took her to the doctor who found the noodle. Now I give her kishes wishes all the time. That's my stinkamuffin. I have got to work on appropiaye segways.

I won't even start on the use of elevators.