But He Loves You.....

Well, Honestly Speaking...

Honestly, honesty is not the best policy.
It isn't at all. I decided that from this point I am just going to lie. For the longest, I really felt good about myself because, I didn't see the point in lying. I was waiting to go into court one day, and me and this dude got to talking. For some reason, people always tend to strike up random conversations with me. Good ones, and some outrageous ones.
Well, anyway, me and this dude is talking, and we are discussing how "bitches aint shit". I'm sorry ladies, but we do. It is a hot topic between us men at all times. Its not meant to be disrespectful or anything. But since yall are so quick to say we aren't, we counter, its science.

We discussed how it is better to lie. Like, what is the purpose of telling your girl, about a platonic female friend? There is no purpose to do so. This friend can be the biggest lesbian to hit the streets since Roz from night court. Even with all that, you know what you get asked? YOU WANT TO FUCK HER?!!!
And you're like;

"Babe, her dick is probably bigger than mine."

Doesn't matter though, her follow up with;
"Well, you want to suck her dick?!!"

At that point, you realize it is just better to change the subject to something like shoes, or flowers. You know, something you have no interest in, but she will go on for days, and all you have to do is nod your head, and throw in a few "uh huhs."

Back to lying. I just want to experience how it feels to make up outlandish shit. Today, I think I am going to be a lawyer. Soon as I get home, I am going to look up law terms. I'm on my blackberry. I know you could say that I can look it up on the blackberry, but I am a liar now, so I will just say, my internet blackberry is in the shop. That is so fucking liberating. Now the truth is actually that my former place of employment, has put a warning that no one should touch this account. See, companies/management hates when you tell them to go fuck themselves. Another honest moment gone wrong.

Another thing about honesty is that, when you are honest with someone about some things, shit can be thrown in your face. Much like when you are in the back seat of a car, and the person in front of you spits out the window when going like 50mph.

I have a funny story about someone I met on the web. Now, I talked to this chick for a while before meeting. And after a while I asked for pic, that's internet pimping protocol 101. So, I get a pic of this chicks mom, she didn't say that was her, she said that's what she looked like. WTF?! Now when she did send me a pic of herself, she scanned one, and put a post it, to cover her mouth and nose. WTF#2!!

Okay, it is what it is, right? So as it goes, one day she tells me she needs surgery on her nose, due to nosebleeds. I'm sure I heard of that before. But she was a "model" and had to fly frequently. When I saw her, her nose was pointy, like ya know, it wasn't "ethnic.". Not like the picture of her momma's nose. Not like pops, sister, brother, etc. Where the fuck did this roman nose come from? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Rhinoplasty.

But, I'm sure that was liberating enough. That is my new shit now. I was talking to an old female friend not too long ago. And she told me she is so sick of liars, that she is just going to join the club. By the time we got off the phone, she had a new name, and occupation. She is a chemist during the day, but a physical therapist outside of work. And its cool too, because the firm I am a partner in, handles major malpractice suits.

I would like to expound(sat word) on it, but I'm due in court in 2 mins.