Equal Rights and Midget Fights

Well, it is no secret that I used to install cable television. There are too many stories that goes along with the job. I could go on for days about how my boss what the biggest asshole I have ever worked for. When I say hater, this dude was. He was some fake Mafioso, or something. I knew he was an asshole the day I went in to take the piss test. The fact is, why the hell was he the one doing the piss test anyways? Power tripping bastard. Go ahead, touch my urine asshole. He made a sly assed remark about my piss being neon green. He asked if I was a martian or some shit, because of the color. Idiot, I’m not a martian, I drank some quick flush, to hide the weed. That’s what I wanted to say. Damn, all these Jamaicans working there, and you have never sen quick flush urine? You bastard assed bastard.

The guy had the nerve to be a racist, with all of us working there. He would look out for this one white kid named Brian, like they were related or some shit. My cousin, Brian, and me worked the same city. I stayed having to stop my cousin from beating the holy shit out of Brian. I personally didn’t have an issue with him myself. Sometimes when I didn’t feel like doing a job, I would call him and pass it off for him to do it. The great thing about that is that, even though he did it, I got the paperwork back, and still got paid for the job. Pretty fucked up, but we looked out for dude, I mean, looked him the fuck out.

You see, Brian, was constantly drunk. Now I know I have had my battles with the bottle, but not like this dude. Every morning, when he came to the office, he looked like the truck dove its self to the office, and he was being dragged behind holding on to a cable wire, while drinking a beer, and peeing on himself. Now, I am pretty sure, he was doing more than drinking. He had a crystal meth quality about him. With a cocaine history, or something. He was still a cool dude when he needed to be. I just couldn’t understand why, with all his fuck ups, the asshole bastard ass boss asshole, would look out for him like he did. I kept forgetting that my skin tone was a tad bit darker. Damn, it was fucking 2003, I thought things done changed.

Hells nah the shit aint change. See, things were fucked up. And from a couple of things that happened, I can tell that, like I always have been able too, that if you white, you right. It’s science, and I don’t go against science.

One night, Brian was royally fucked up. Drunk and high as hell, no doubt. So, he was driving this big assed work truck, flying through the streets of Elizabeth. It was late as fuck, and he didn’t even live in the area. There was only a few reasons he would even be in that type of area, that time of night. To cop some things. He must have went to my fam, because I sure wasn’t around.

As the story goes, he got his dukes of hazard on with the truck. Was hauling ass up north avenue, when the roads were icy as hell, slid up on the sidewalk, ran over a street sign pole, the truck spins on icy grass, and hits the building, a building with very well to do people at that. Classic move on his part. But no, it doesn’t stop there. The dude, jumps out the truck, and runs away. Not only does he run away, there are people out there who sees him. Now, these people see him everyday. The fool snatches his tool belt, wraps it around his waist, and drunk runs up the street. Not only, do people see him, but the people that see him describe him to the cops. The fool still had his grey short sleeved uniform shirt on. At 11:30pm, drunk running, away from the scene of an accident, with a tool belt that makes a lot of noise when you walk, but sounds like Christmas if you are running, drunk running away.

Now, you would think this guy gets fired right? Hells nah, the asshole bitch assed fake mafia boss makes a decision. Instead of the dude getting fired, or even suspended. He comes up with a fucking plan. This wasn’t dude’s first time driving drunk, and the reason why he ran, is because his license would have been revoked for a while, because of what happened this time. The fucking boss decides to send Brian to California, to get a new license, before the one in Jersey was revoked. Can you believe this shit? Can you believe this shit? They send his ass all the way to cali fucking fornia, to get a license, to beat the system. I couldn’t believe this shit. Normally I wouldn’t care, but here’s where I come in at.

That same week, I had an incident at a customer’s house. They weren’t regular customers. It was a group home for adults with special needs. It took me so long to write this, because a lot of people told me that to call them retarded is just politically incorrect. And that I find to be bullshit, because I am not running for office or anything. Fuckers. So I go to this house, and right away, I knew what the deal was. These folks, are nice folks, they just have developmental problems is all. Most of them are good by nature. However, the counselor must have forgot to give these summabitches their meds, because they were off the fucking meat rack that afternoon.

I mean, I am already upset, because I know there was no way I was going to get a tip, at this house. And I was arguing with my girl at the time. So I was pissed anyways. The job was somewhat of a big job, not too big, just a lot of televisions. I think there was maybe ten of them all together, and all I had to do is change a few wires, and swap out boxes. Sweet!!! But oh boy, these people were determined to not let me work in peace. I should have known something was up when the counselor smiled when she said, she would “get out of my way.” Yeah bitch was setting me up.

As soon as I start, they start with the questions. Now, I try to show extreme patience at all times, and this was surely a test. One dude, was so happy, that he started doing jumping jacks, while yelling out loud as fuck “CABLE CABLE CABLE CABLE, WE GONNA GET SOME CABLE CABLE CABLE CABLE.” This guy was every bit of 50 years old. As if the jumping jacks weren’t enough, he busts out with the running man, with the pause, dropped it down like it was hot, got back by pulling his own collar, in an old school move, spinned, and bust out with the wop, all while not letting the drool that was already formed on his lips to drop to the floor, then back to his jumping jacks, and his mantra of the cable song. I don’t know if I was supposed to feel sorry for him.

I just sat on the floor in amazement. My mouth would have been wide open, but he spit when he talked, and I didn’t want a retarded dna to be transferred to me in some old mystery of science shit. No sir.

So, after his performance, I walk around the house switching boxes, and changing wires, and this dude is like my shadow or something. Not only is he like right on my ass, he didn’t walk regular, he did the fucking running man! This is how he walks! He running mans his ass through life. There was no one step, next step. Not at all. His walk WAS the running man. I thought I was on candid camera. I have been to these homes before, but nothing like this. Uh uh. The whole time, he is asking me questions;

“do you watch cable at home?”
“are you going to get some ice cream?”
“does you but itch at night?”
“mine does”
“will I see titties on the new cable?”
“I like tits”
“Are you married?’
“can I help you with the new cable?’

I answered all of the questions with polite sarcasm. He was satisfied I suppose. The counselor finally got him away from me, took her long enough, I’m glad she was amused by this sick joke of hers.

Oh, the shit doesn’t stop there. The shit did not stop there. I was working on a t.v. set, by the front window, and lo and behold, what do I see? A short yellow bus. The rest of the brigade had come. Reinforcements had arrived, it was a small army of special needs people. I say about 8 of them jumped their jolly asses off the short yellow bus, and ran towards the house as if they all had to take a collective piss. I figured it was time for me to hurry the hell up, and get the fuck out of dodge. I did not want to witness 10 retards doing the running man in unison. At that time, I believed in hell, and I am sure if I stayed any longer than I had to, I would have drove straight to it.

Now, I am kneeling down, reaching behind the t.v., trying to finagle the wires. But I felt very weird about something. A nervousness overwhelmed me, and I did not know what it was. I didn’t want to look behind me. There was someone behind me. I felt their hot breath on my neck. The hairs on my neck stood up. And whatever it was that was behind me, started to growl. I mean growl, like DMX growls. You know, GRRRRRRRRRR. Holy shit, I’m like there is a dog in the special needs house. At least that’s what I thought. So I turn around to pet the dog or something,

OH SHIT!!!! I turn around, and I am eye to eye with a growling, drooling midget with a club foot, and glasses thick enough to see an ant piss on the planet Pluto. I jumped the fuck up, I was scared as shit. I was never too fond of midgets, I’m not a midget hater or anything, but they scare the shit out of me in person. And it was clear to me, that he was their leader. Most of them was standing by the door, just looking, waiting for their midget leader to do one his midget kung fu moves, leaving me debilitated so that he can keep his reign going in that house. It was some scary shit man. I’m nervous now just thinking about it. I think that a gang of midgets will come to my door right now, and do them special midget moves that would leave me bedazzled or something.

Now I have maybe 3 more televisions to do. I know that two of them, I had to do extra shit with, I wanted to get them over quickly. I called my cousin, to se if he could help me. I told him where I was at, he knew exactly where I was at. He installed the initial sets some time ago. So I ask;

“Yo, I only have like 3 sets to do, come help me with like two of them”
“That’s the spot with them retards yo?”
“Yeah man, there’s a midget here too.”
“Uh, nah son, I’m good, um, I got a job across town”
“Nigga, you just said you finished for the day?”
“My bad Flav, I don’t fuck round with midgets yo, they know kung fu”
“Has, ayo Has….HAS!!!!!!”

That dude cut his Nextel off. Now, aint that a bitch. So I go back in the house with the extra boxes. And this midget is on me. He didn’t even speak, he just drooled and growled. GRRRRRRRRRR. I think it was about to go down. The others had left, I am guessing he didn’t want any witnesses. I don’t know how he communicated to them, unless he had a series of growls that meant shit. I don’t know. Anything is possible. Or perhaps he had midgetelepathy. For the next 3 sets, the dude is right there, when I stood up, he backed away and stood in the corner, but when I kneeled down to mess around with some wires, he was right up on me.

I was getting annoyed with the inch high wandering eye guy. I kept asking him politely to back up off me. I asked a few times. He still wouldn’t. I thought that maybe if I thought what I was asking while growling, he may understand me;

Me: o0(dude, back up) Grrrrr Grrrrrrr
Him: Grrrrrrrrrr

What the fuck does that mean?!!! Nigga, I growled your ass a request, and you still up on me. This shit had to stop. I am not proud of this at all. But there was no witnesses. I put my hammer in my belt hook, and asked one mo gain, for dude to back up. He didn’t, so I gauged the handle of the hammer, and saw what I could do. I stood up quick as shit, and the handle of the hammer popped him right on the chin, BOOOP, that’s the noise it made. He looked at me in amazement. Said Grrrrrrrr, and walked away. He didn’t fuck with me while I was on the next set. Lesson taught, lesson learned.

Come to find out, one of the others saw the shit, and told the counselor when I left. So a couple days later the asshole boss faggot asshole bitch made boss brings me into his office. He asks me why did I assault a customer. I’m like what the fuck? I’m like what customer? He goes through the paperwork, and reads off the address. I’m like “man, the special needs home? They was all crowding me, I just had to get through the crowd to continue the job. I think the midget got hit by my hammer though.”

“You hit a midget?

“No, the midget was in the way of the butt of my hammer, he got bopped in the fray”

“YOU CANT GO AROUND HITTING MIDGETS ON THE HEAD WITH YOUR HAMMER!!!!” YOU ARE GOING TO BE WORKING IN NEWARK THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS”

“There are midgets in Newark too, ya know? Gangsta midgets”

“THREE WEEKS!!!!”

Now, that was some bullshit. Brian totaled a fucking truck, was drunk as hell, left the scene of an accident, but was rewarded by getting sent to California in the dead of winter in new jersey, to get a new license. And what the fuck do I get? Sent to the only place where cable installers don’t get paid that good money. Aint life fucked up?