Grown Ass Man Style Kyle While While You Wild Out Child...

I am feeling so relieved these days. I've been so tired and out of it. The winter does that to me I guess. Traveling in the cold is not my cup of tea either, but I do it if necessary. Sometimes you have to understand the necessary, the needs, the bare essentials and put the wants on the wayside. Everything you want isn't good for you.

This year I started doing a ton of open mic shows. Comedy that is. And I think that I can be pretty good at it. I actually believe I can be great at it. All it takes is time and being steady on the grind with it. Which is something I can do, if it didn't require so much work. Hell, I'm lazy, what else can I say. I think the key for me would be, less beer and more be there.

I don't know but for some reason this whole week has been liberating. I sat in the house packing and cleaning, just being nostalgic about the time here. Seems like last week we moved in here. Soul searching, a lot of it. Seeing things for what they truly are and not what I wished they were. Taking accountability for what I do, and what I bring to myself.

For a long time I would take it personal if someone didn't like me, or didn't feel the same way about me as I do for them. Its like fuck it. What am I supposed to do? Cry? I have before, I won't now. I don't know how to kiss ass, brown nosing just never sat right with me. These days I just listen more intently. I try to do everything with an unmatched intensity. But I listen the best.

I listen for tones and change of speech and so on. I'm better equipped to pick up on bullshit quicker than I have before. And that's probably because I am a master bullshitter myself, I just didn't know when I was being conned. Them days are over. Words mean nothing unless you say them the right way. But the words you do say, that have a meaning behind, make sure you mean it. LOL, I don't know what has happened in a span of a few days, but I feel renewed. Its like looking in the mirror and asking myself; why am I doing this, why am I doing that?

My position in life is not where I want it to be, but I'm not mad about it. If there any failures I have it is me and me alone that have caused them. I can't give up on what I want. I can't allow myself to be sidetracked by wants and bullshit any longer. It feels good, I like it. Its going to last. It has too. Or I won't.

Let's go!