Nurture Nature Genetics Repair

In my self imposed solitude I have nothing other to do but think. Most of the times when I do this I am listening to my mp3 player, and just lost in thought. That can be a good thing, or a bad thing. It depends on what happened that day, or the day before, and I try to use at least ten to twenty minutes to meditate. Recently I was thinking about something;

Nature versus Nurture.

Pretty much because I wanted to figure out about me. How did I become the person I am? What did I go through in life to mold me into the asshole I am? I wonder if it is genetic. I mean, is my temper a result of the genes given to me by my father? I have heard stories of his temper being legendary. Hell, I have felt a belt on my ass growing up, and that was legendary. I always used to ask myself, what the hell did I do to get shit on like this? I didn’t quite understand until I heard stories of his dad, my grandpa, who as legend goes, was superb at whooping ass. Hell, with eight kids, I wouldn’t see any other way to raise knuckleheads, growing up in the hood. Knowing that I guess I could give my pops a pass, somewhat, but not all the way. I think far more than I eat, so I am not sitting on fat people logic.

Now, let me take a scenario here. Let’s say your folks were neglectful, disrespectful, and basically did not care what it was you thought, even if you had valid points? But you grow up around this, and this is all you know? Years later, you are an adult, and you sort of exemplify the same characteristics, that you saw in your folks, within yourself. Is it difficult to change the mentality that you have? Will you chalk it up as that’s how you were raised, and you aren’t going to change, even if it does nothing but alienate the people around you, that sincerely love and care for you? If you know that about yourself, and if you didn’t appreciate it then, why would it be so hard to see the bullshit in yourself and make a conscious effort to try to do things different?

That is the nurturing of a person I guess.

These are random thoughts.

Nature

With my temper, I am pretty sure it is genetic. Both my folks have tempers. When I was a kid, I had my little black out moments. I know I used to beat up good friends when I was between seven and ten. I would then, not forget, but nix it off as if it was nothing. Or say something outlandish to someone causing them to feel a certain way. I guess it was genetic that I was too blunt at times.

Nurture

Like, if you missed out on things, or you felt in some ways neglected. You may grow up having this feeling of “Me against the world” attitude. The shit isn’t cute though. I used to feel that way, and in most ways I still do. But I try to recognize it, instead of rationalizing it. I would rather fix it, instead of letting it continue to overwhelm me, at the worst possible times. I mean, I used to be really weary of someone that wanted to care about my ass, and I probably was put off because I didn’t understand it. So what I did was give them my ass to kiss. Or I would just shy away. Like, if I was in a relationship, I felt there was no need to have to answer to my girl. Simply because, I felt as though I didn’t have too. I didn’t respect them enough to even bother. Maybe subconsciously I would rather live the rest of my days alone. Like, i would get called all the time. And when I answer, I was pretty much an ass. Like, why do you even care? And the subconscious was actually, “why do you care? No one else does, why should you?” that is such a hard thing to break I guess. But I am learning, I am rededicating, and trying to not make the same mistakes as I once did.

Random