Hey Cutesy Ugsly...

Have you ever seen anyone that is so ugly that if you look at them long enough they actually become cute? I think I am just a tad bit off center mentally.

I used to work with a chick that the guys around the office affectionatley called "Mud Duck." I guess it wasn't too affectionate, because I'm sure she didn't know that was her knickname. I spelled it Knick, because honestly, the bitch looked like Patrick Ewing. She wasn't his height or anything, but just imagine Pat was hit with a mallet, shrunk down to about 5'5".

This chick probably had the best body in the entire office, but damn, this face was an injustice to her tits and ass. You almost wanted to replace her face with her ass, because you wouldn't have any qualms with kissing it. I bullshit you not.

I remember while on one of my two hour lunches I journied over to her desk. Of course I was drunk, but not yet shit faced. I mean I still had like 5 hours left on my shift. So, I go over to Mud duck's desk ad start chatting. So of course the subjects of titties comes up. Don't ask me why, it just always comes up in conversations with me. So I'm like;

"Yo, I seen your pics on your myspace page, real nice pics, I swear I saw a nipple though."

"You saw a little bit, haha."

"Well, let me see the whole thing right now then."

"I'm on a call crazy, haha."

"They on the phone, they can't see your tits."

"True."

She plops out her tits. I don't know if it was plopped or flopped. But they came out. Instant hard on. It don't take my ass long to stand at attention. But while the blood was rushing from my upper head to the lower one, she became cute to me for some reason. As she sat talking to her client, I squinted and was like; "she isn't half bad."

Not bad at all. She kind of looked like a lion. Yeah, she had a lion face. Grrrrrrrr Niggas Grrrrrrr. At that point I realized that once a mudduck chick gets your dick a little hard, she isn't all that ugly anymore. The universe is a wonderful happening that way.

So I stumble back to my desk to get my cigs, so I could go outside to drink and smoke with my peeps. I go outside and I am immediately asked what I was doing by her desk. I didn't tell them of course, I be respecting bitches yo. Yup.

Anyway, I come to find out that the topic of conversation was her. One of the fellas had words with her over something, and being drunk at work equals yelling in the parking lot. Oh yeah, I was never the only one drunk at work, it was a group effort. So, they are berating this lady something terrible. I'm just sitting back kind of disappointed in the rhetoric because after all, not too long before that I was ready to fuck her at her desk. Niggas are talking about how ugly she is. I pretty much thought this was high schoolish and came to her defense;

"Ya'll leave her alone man, she is cool, she's a sweet person."

"Nigga please that bitch has a fucked up attitude, I can't stand that ugly bitch yo."

After seeing her tits up close I explained further;

"Yeah, I lnow her attitude is fucked sometimes but she is, she is cute in her own little ugly way."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Okay, was I wrong? I mean she was cute in an ugly way. I think there is a point where you are so ugly that it crosses the threshold and all of a sudden you are a dime. I don't know, its just my opinion. Now, if she was cockeyed, I don't knowif I could LOOK PAST THAT. I think that shit is contagious.

I will tell ya'll how her ugly cuteness was deaded for me though. One day my boy comes to be and says to me;

"Yo Rev, you feel like being grossed out? Aye, go look at mudduck's ears."

"Why?"

"Haha, just go look playa."

"Aight, fuck it, its time for my break anyway."

I had just got to work 20 minutes before this break. In the constitution it says that Black folks are 3/5 of a person, so I do about that amount at my job. Sue me.

But I go over and strike up a meaningless conversation. At the end of the convo, I give her a little hug so I could look in her ear. I was expecting an earpeice or something. Hellllllssss Nah. What I found was a shitload of crust in her ear. This wasn't like a flake of wax. Nah, this was enough to make into a record.(For you young fuckers, a record is what we played before cd's, young ass bastards) but yes.
I immediately lost the feelings in my legs. I felt faint. Now I know I can be a tad bit nasty, sloppy or what have you, but this shit was just too much.

I don't think I spoke more than 5 words to her a day after that mess. One day, she came to my desk and asked why I was "acting" funny. And the only thing I could come up with was;

"You are just too ugly for me to want you to suck my dick."

"What? Fuck you!"

Another friend lost to my brutal honesty. I could have went to her desk and apologized. But seriously, how would it even get through to her? I mean, that was a lot of crust!

Fin

New Old Friends

I find myself reaching out to old friends that I haven't seen or heard from in years. I kind of want to surround myself with people that remind me of a time when life was still an experiment, when there were no bills and the closest thing to breaking the innocence of your young life was finger banging a chick during a school play.

I was driving around my old hood that I lived in during 7th and 8th grade. I remembered one of my best friends from that era. When I got home I looked the dude up, called the number, got his parents, and his pops gave me the cell number. We kicked it for a minute and reminicsed for a little bit. We both went in the service after high school. I remember thinking damn, I should have went to the force my damn self. But he was kicked out like I was. LOL, shit happens. I was glad he is doing good and hopefully we'll go out for drinks or some shit. Hell we're grown now. The thing that bugged me out was that he is still cool with his girl from back then, and you know what? Why did they call me on the three way? LOL, that's all we ever did back in the day. A ton of folks on the three way talking about nintendo, big daddy kane, and teachers we hated. It was good to go back there for a while. Just to remember when life was carefree. Yall remember emergency breakthru's on the phone? BWHAHAHAHAHAHA. Shit, your game would be seriously thwarted if the operator came on like;

"Boooooooooooooooop, Emergency breaktrough from Toya, will you take the call?"

Now I have to use Toya as an example. She was my girl back then, and was the QUEEN of emergency breakthru'n. And my ass would be on the horn with the next chick, running out of excuses as to just who the hell this Toya person is.

"Uh, my cousin from downstairs."

"She can't come up and knock on the door?"

"Her leg is broke."

"Uh huh."

"I'll call you back."

"Uh huh, okay."

A couple days later, and as normal, Toya and I had broken up over something dumb. But it never fails for her to call to yell at me.

"Boooooooooooooooop, Emergency breaktrough from Toya, will you take the call?"

"Ugh, I hate this chick!"

"Your cousin?"

"Nah, she my ex, she on my jock."

"Uh, you said that was your cousin."

"Huh? Errr ummmm. What I meant was tha..."

"Click"

"I guess I'm taking the call operator."

Ahhhh, the good ole days...

Let Me ReIntroduce Myself...Mah Name is Flaavvv Flaavvvvv

Well, I haven't posted on this blog in many a moon. There are tons of reasons, but I guess the main one would have been because of this exhausting election season. For some reason I felt as though that I was running for some sort of office or something. There have been elections in the past where I felt passionate about what was going on, and wanted an immediate change. This one was different for some reason. But, I can't quite put my black assed finger on it. Hmmm

Another reason is my personal life which I won't get into detail about. If you have read anything I have wrote before, I'm willing to bet you fools think I went ape shit on some chick or something like that. Blah, I haven't the time for anger. Well, I do, but nothing to write about. Amazingly, I am not whoring around these days. I don't even have the urge to. I don't think I do. Check back with me in a year on that.

Holy shit, I finally paid all the tickets off and went and got my license back. A whopping $4500 to many a city, to many a court, to many a dmv(well, one anyways). The sad part is that I could have handled the shit eons ago, but I take much pride in my good intentions and zero follow through. It started getting cumbersome driving around with no L. It sucks when you need to get a pack of cigs and you're walking in the cold knowing damn well you should be driving. Now I'm a driving fool. I pull up next to the cops and let out motherfucking belly laughs. Like AAHHHHAAAAA HAA HAAA HAAA fuckers.

My blackberry was totally messed up. When I say messed up, I don't just mean the trackwheel was ruined, I mean that the company I used to work for finally figured out I had friends there still, who kept the shit on. They have a lot of nerve turning it off.

That is just my luck with electronics I guess.

My laptop is also fucked. It isn't beyond repair or anything but I'd rather buy a new one, like I got it like that or some shit. Most of the vowels on the keyboard are messed up, the motherfucking AEIOU and can you believe this shit? Sometimes the Y doesn't even work. To be honest, I watch a shitload of porn on the computer, but I have never nutted on the keyboard. So none of this sticky key shit is absurd.

Its been a few weeks after election day and I am slowly coming back to normalcy. I really don't even know what to do with myself. I find myself watching MSNBC like there is going to be some news that I missed 8 weeks ago. For weeks from 5pm to 2am I was like a zombie in front of the television. I hated to talk on the phone or be bothered during those hours. My girl knew I was going to answer the phone kust to say I have to call her back because Chris or Keith was on the tube. I kind of miss all of the stuff in a way. But what do I do now?
From The BlackBerry

Hey Hey Memorial Day ~ I'm A Veteran! Random Thoughts!

I guess it has been a long while. I have run out of things too say. That isn’t a bad thing at all though. I know one thing. I am hungry as hell right now. It is time to cook the pork chops. I don’t know about my metabolism. I have been told, that at my age, it slows down. I thought it was supposed too a couple years ago. Perhaps I am just blessed in that aspect. Even my beer belly has a hint of the six pack that was there years ago.

I haven’t been writing anything lately. I don’t have a reason, I guess like with other things, I get bored with it. It is over 100 posts. That’s pretty damn good, for me. Another thing is that this is election year, and I have been spending most if not all of the time I am online, reading about the election, the hideous Clintons, the disgusting bill, and the fucktard hilary. The race has shown me that anyone can be a politician. Even an idiot like me. One day I guess I will get into it. The only thing is that I don’t know how I would feel having people that may have some negative info about me neutralized. I mean, for political reasons, if it is personal, I wouldn’t care. “Ha ha ha”

Oh, I see you looking with your looking ass. Smh.

I did do something yesterday. We went to the beach. It was cold as fuck out there. California is looking better and better. But I have decided to go back to school to get certified. Sucks that I have too, but its good to have some crap to fall back on, I guess. It sucks because it is the shit you already know, but you have to pay arms and legs for someone to give you a gerade on shit you are already familiar with. Boooooo!

Oh, I went on an audition last week. The first time in so may years. The funny thing is that for me, it went horrible. I decided to write my own monologue. And me being me, I forgot it totally. Like back in the day, I just made it up as I went along. I didn’t realize that I had the wrong point of focus, I was looking down and away, when the part called for me to look up, and out of it. In my mind that is. Bottom line, I sucked. But at least I did it. No resume, no photos, just me with a smile and a dream.

I have a ton of good news. But nothing I am willing to share here.

Well, maybe I am having too much sex. That and eating more than usual. Drinking less beer. Still don’t know how I feel about that though. My patches never came. Actually, I don’t think the shits were ever mailed out, to be honest. Sometimes you cant count on no one but yourself. And with that I am okay with. Why let others let you down, when you can easily fuck things up for yourself.

My fiancé has been over a lot. She watches too much BET. I hate that channel. I feel like a moron watching the shit. MTV never gets any play here. I think I am going to finagle the remote to block both of them. Those and faux news.

I need to be cooking something. At the buffet earlier, I found a new treat. It isn’t new, but, it is mint chocolate chip ice cream, followed quickly with a bite of honey dew melon. I don’t know what it is, but it is the best shit I have ever tasted. Maybe there is a kid on the way, and I am experiencing some cravings. Who knows? I sure don’t, but it is good.

Yo, it is hot as hell in the house right about now. I am butt assed naked too, with socks on. I don’t know if I want to put the air conditioner in just yet though. I just might though. We as people, are never satisfied, are we?

It could be worse. I mean I could have ocd or some shit. Or even worse, be cancer. Bwhahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!


shit, i have some pics to post. classic...........

MidDay Mood Muzic ~ Dedicated To Your Nosy Lookin Ass...

Good shit here...

You won't stay and you won't go
Love shouldn't be so complicated
You won't say yes you won't say no
Yellow lights you've contemplated

Tell me when will you decide
Baby if it's you and I
Just can't keep me on the side forever

You think that our love is stong
I just can't keep hanging on
What you going to do when tomorrow gone forever

You keep running in and out of my mind
Hello goodbye

You don't laugh and you don't cry
Love can't live without emotion
You don't reveal and you don't hide
Wearing your disguise out in the open

Tell me when will you decide
Baby if it's you and I
Just can't keep me on the side forever

You think that our love is stong
I just can't keep hanging on
What you going to do when tomorrow's gone forever

You keep running in and out of my mind
Hello goodbye(2x)
You keep running in and out of my mind
Hello goodbye

You're so hot and you're so cold
Love is here and then love leaves
And you switch so fast I don't know
If my head can handle the speed

Tell me when
Tell me when will you decide
Baby if it's you and I
Just can't keep me on the side forever

You think that our love is stong
I just can't keep hanging on
What you going to do when tomorrow's gone forever

Tell me when will you decide
Baby if it's you and I
Just can't keep me on the side forever

You keep running in and out of my mind
Hello goodbye(2x)
You keep running in and out of my life
Hello goodbye

You come and you go
Hello hello goodbye
(9x)

Patriot Acts Up

I have realized that during this campaign, something that I have almost always believed. There are a lot of bigoted assed white people. And you know it starts from the top, and tends to work its way down. Now, I know for sure that Black folks are racists, and bigoted. Almost no denying that at all, not from me. Can you really blame us? I mean really? White people for the most part like to sweep the shit under the rug, as if things have been peachy here in the united states for years.

Microsoft word wants me to capitalize united, and states. It can kiss my ass.

I was looking at old civil rights videos, and looking at the days when water hoses were sprayed on demonstrators, banging them against walls. Dogs being sic’d on tenns and people trying to march peacefully just to be seen as equals. And that shit wasn’t even fifty years ago. Crosses still burn on lawns. The word nigger is still painted on cars and houses of black folks. And for what? For being black? I mean what was the purpose really? How in the blue fuck would you hate someone, that you probably have it way better than, in terms of status, money respect, and whatever else there is. I never really thought about it that way. I never questioned as to why. When I did, it makes no fucking sense. What in the hell did any Black people do to these nasty fucking racists?

Are they upset that they can no longer get the free labor, they got for hundreds of years? Are they mad that slavery ended? Sometimes I guess that’s what it is. They are mad not to have niggers busting their ass for free anymore. This sense of white entitlement is just so damned funny.

I was watching more news reports about senator Obama’s pastor, and the words he used on a particular sermon. And you know my feeling on it? So the fuck what. The media and all of these low class idiots sit there and question the man’s patriotism. I mean, if he pissed on Lyndon Johnson’s face while he was a medical tech, during his surgery, then you would have a legitimate claim to question it.

This election makes me sick now.

Integration was the worse ting to happen to black folks in this country. I don’t hate white people for being white. I have white friends. Some even moved on my block.(pun) and I do not truly think that most are racists. It is just the majority of them do not seem to have the common sense to realize where we come from at times. You cant blame them, because they will never know what its like to be discriminated against. Not in the same fashion we are.

Yes, I’m rambling. Sue me.

I had a white friend, a co worker. Real cool guy, we got along great. We went on a business trip for the company, and was holed up out of state for a few weeks. The subject of race came up while we were guzzling 40oz. He was pretty much ghetto as I was, but he didn’t realize what type of opportunity that he had by being white. Now, the reason I was sent on this trip is because I knew what I was doing at the job. I bust my ass everyday. I came in every morning around 6:30am, opened the office up, got the coffee going, made sure whatever agenda for the day was listed on the boards, I mean I did some shit. And none of that was even anything I had to do. I was at work before the managers were. Basically, I worked twice as hard. But here he comes, doesn’t know too much, and asking me questions, and really didn’t care too much about the job, but he was handed some great assignments. I would sit there and drop my jaw at times. It’s funny now.

I tried to explain shit to him that, he unlike me, had a chance to move up in the company. A better chance than I did. He just could not get it. I told them that they sent him down there with me to show him how it’s done. They were grooming him. It didn’t really sink in until I said that shit. I just told him to watch what happens when we get back to jersey.
We get back and a week later he comes to me and says “yo, you were fucking right.” And lo and behold, the dude gets offered the position I had been jockeying for, for the last few months. He wasn’t even there a year yet. Me, there three years by then. The funny thing is that after he got this gig, he hated it. He was in the office training new employees, his feet was on the desks, he was making inappropriate comments to the chicks there, and giving them fools like three hour lunch breaks. One of the managers came to me and told me they think they made the wrong decision. No shit.
This would not be the last time this happened to me. But that there was enough for me to say, wow, some things just will not change.

Its like white people really don’t know how good they have it at times.

Sighs.

The go back to Africa thing was always funny. I mean when someone of another race tells a black person that. That’s bananas. I remember Marcus Garvey had the idea for all the Black folks here n the good ole u.s.a. to get on some boats and go the hell back. It is just too bad that the BOI, that’s the pre FBI, headed by none other than J Edna Hoover herself, indicted the man on bullshit mail fraud charges. I guess they saw that they weren’t going to get cheap labor from niggers anymore and put it to a halt as fast as they could. Sometimes when I think about it, I chuckle at the fact that the government would have sunk the boat as soon as it was in the deep waters.

Patriot. I was a patriot I guess. I joined the Navy and all. I don’t know if I had really noticed racism until I got there. I was only 17 and fresh out of high school when I arrived. I mean the shit was pure and uncut. But my first taste of it came from my company commander, who was from Kentucky, and had a strange resemblance to Hitler. Just looked thinner. I shit you not. So it is early one morning, it is still dark out. And we are lined up, and he calls me Simpson. I reply to him that I wasn’t Simpson, he was right next to me. Quick witted as he was, he says to me; “Well, if you niggers would smile more often, I could see you better when it’s dark.” I don’t think I have ever felt so small in my life. But what really killed me is that it got such a hearty laugh, especially from the white boys, and them southern black kids. Now, I am a quick witted person, I was even better back then. But, I didn’t know what to say. I started to wonder what it was I did. I wondered if I was stupid for trying to correct him. Here I was, one of his best recruits(his words) he had, but I was made small as shit, in a heartbeat. Yes, me the fucking patriot.

I wish I could say that this is the end of my rant.

Good Times If I Were The Writer ~ I Feel Complete

And Here The Fuck We Go!

“Flawda, I’m putting this Black Jesus up because I think he is gonna get me a Job Flawda, he been bringing me luck all week! HA HAAAAA”

“James, now you know aint no good coming from that black assed Jesus, please take it down so we can stay here in the slums of the ghetto, James pleeeeaaaaaaaase”

“Maa Noooooooooo. How will all the bitches think I am still DY-NO-MITE, If you make Dad take down Black Jesus?”


“Yeah Momma, what gives? This would perplex the situation and just another reason why the Black community will no longer rise above what is inconsequential in the mainframe of the dubious genetics of the powers that is.. (snaps in Z formation)



“WTF?! Jamessss!”



“That fruity Nigga aint my seed. Where the lightskin come from Flawda, where da lightskin come from, huh?”



Jamesssssssssss Ah!”


“What Bitch!? Y’know what Flawda? Your ass been keeping us down. Every damn time I get a hustle, or some money from no where, your ass always against it! Remember the bag o money I found and shit? Yeaaaah hoe, not No Mo!!"



Jamesssssssss Ah!”



“Nah, hells nah Flawda. I’m Sick of this shit. Remember the time I found the money in front of the market, and you said I should return it? $27,000 dollars Flawda! Bitch, we could have had….



Bbbb But Jamessssssss Ah!”

“But dad, Mom’s cooking pork chops tonight, kool-aide delight and they are going to be DY-NO…..”

“Junior, get the fuck away from me, before I break your corny ass down into two pieces.”

“Oh DYNO shit!”



“HaHaHaHa....Glad I look good!”



“You know what? I’m out! Fuck you and you and you. And I’m taking this Black Jesus with me.

“No James No!!!!”

“Naaaaah, uhn uhn, I’m Out bitch!” last time I give up some cash fucking with your bright colored wearing do gooding always want to keep us down never wanting us to get ahead ghetto project loving gap toothed gay son having short fro looking ass nigga ass, ass! These hoes gonna help me pack….say goodbye ladies!

Funny Animations @ Youvee.net



Funny Animations @ Youvee.net