I am Having My Mother Commited because Of This

I had a somewhat serious conversation with my mother today, and it didn’t go according to plan. She and I are trying to find a way to ease my grandmother into the twilight of her life. I love grandma, but some things have got to change. Sometimes old people do not know when it is time to let go. Or as the religious folks will say; let god. People that know me will think I am being callous in my actions, because after all, there is real estate involved in all of this. A business that, I have helped to build since I was a kid. When I was 15, and my girlfriend at the time would venture to the back of the building so that that I could show her my teenage magic stick. Good Times. People in my family would say that I am being an asshole, because I much rather send grandma to Florida to live with my aunt and her kids. Therefore giving the business to me as a gift. Of course to get over tax issues. It is only right. Black people that have something should leave something other than bills. Leave a legacy damnit.

I have to mention that my gramma, when she mentions Obama she says his name; OBACK BARAMY. That just makes me want to throw up.

But that isn’t the issue today. My issue is this. I was speaking with mother today, and we started going into politics. Now,, the conversation started innocent enough. That was until she brought up that horrible television show, by Tyler Perry. I told her the show was garbage and not worthy of even watching. Now, I stand by that, as someone who writes scripts, and movies, that show is utterly disgustingly horrible.

Those were my words to mother. I threatened to cut her cable off so that she would not be able to watch it. And I will do that the next time she says the show is good.

Many times I have went inside of mother’s apartment. She loves listening to the radio. It is even on when she isn’t there. The shit that saddens me is that it is always on right wing radio stations. I mean I will walk in there looking for some grub, and I am hearing Rush Limbaugh. I think she goes to sleep with the shit. There are other pundits that I cant name but dam, right wing radio is what it is; it sucks ass.

But this conversation earlier today made me come to my decision;

Me: Ma, you talk to gramma?(lemme borrow some money) what she was talking about(lemme borrow some money)what she say about auntie?

Ma: You owe me not only money, but the 27 hours of labor that I went…

Me: (changing subject) I think Obama will win in Wisconsin because he is…

Ma: I am not voting for him, I’d rather vote for Tyler Perry, I wish Tyler Perry was running, because he….

Me: Ma, it’s the white house, not the pink house.

Ma: You sound just like your no good cousin!

Me: She is an idiot, she is too fat to fit in the ballot box anyways…

Ma: You’re right, well, I’m voting for someone else come November…

Me: Ma, cmon, you’re voting for Hilary?

Ma: No mister wise guy, I’m voting for Alan Keyes, he is still in the running.

Me: Ma, I got to go, will talk to you later(lemme borrow some money) okay?

Ordinary Sleep Patterns

With friends like these, who needs enemies? I sure don’t. I just don’t get it sometimes. Maybe I am not supposed to get it. Perhaps I should just sit down, don’t say anything, never voice my opinions. Which, I only try to do when I am asked to. I haven’t wrote anything on this blog in a long time, and wasn’t too interested in it anymore, until a show that I watch came on. And the theme of this episode was commitment issues. And I thought about a certain situation. I thought about a ton of situations.

I’ve said before that lack of sleep, and anxiety attacks make me write. Today, luckily I am suffering from both. I went to sleep earlier this afternoon, highly upset about something, so pissed that I dreamt of it, and the dream pissed me off, and it woke me up. Its like, have you ever asked someone a question, and they either don’t answer, get mad that you asked, or completely try to be evasive of flip it around. Those type of games are ridiculous. It’s like the current administration. So secretive and misleading, yet arrogant and unknowing of their own blunders. Kind of like, they pick and choose when they want to give a fuck. But expect you to roll with it, and or gets mad when you don’t understand just what they are dong. But don’t ask them shit, or its curtains.

BREAK 1

Man, what a weird dream for that short time I was sleep. I dreamt I worked as a financial advisor, but the office was in some sort of sex shop. Very weird. One of the female managers told me she like me, and I seemed to be too good of as person to be in that line of work. I will have to chalk that up as me eating chicken again before I went to bed. Damn, it is always the chicken. I never have weird dreams with pasta. Doesn’t matter, I am always going to have vivid dreams, I just wont tell anyone anymore. Just gives them more reason to disrespect me, or call me weird. Everyone is a fucking judge. I am going back to sleep. My last break was too short. I haven’t had much sleep, due to an overwhelming anxiety attack. Usually, I will go outside, and have a smoke or something, but it snowed today, and the cold air is unforgiving. I did opt to walk around the block a couple of times, however. I paid the penalty, got some snow in my boot, now my foot feels frostbitten. It is time for another break.

BREAK 2

It is now like 3:30pm. I slept for a long time, but I am still super tired. Had a dream that I was living in the same house with my father that was weird. The whole shit was weird, I had a shit load of shirts that were obviously too small, but I put them in the closet anyways. I then left out, and went somewhere on the train. I was traveling with someone, and we kept running for the damn train, I know my hand had got stuck in the door, and I told them to go on. Told them I would catch up. Somehow I got to the top of he subway car, and was going to go ahead and climb down to the car my friend was in, but they hit a button, and I just fell into some vehicle. Weird, maybe they just dint want me around. But I took this vehicle, and drove to my old neighborhood, where a cop, was just shooting people like wildfire. I got the hell from there, that’s for sure. I think I am aggravated now is because someone was banging on my door, and they knocked on the shit like they were the fuzz or some shit. And I hate to be woken up like that. No one died, so stop the bullshit knocking. I am still groggy, and I haven’t even been drinking. And on that note, I’m going to get some merlot, have a glass or two, and go back to sleep. I got to shake this unwanted feeling of feeling unwanted, and disrespected.

Insane

Let’s discuss insanity.

I am going to use one of my favorite fictional books as a reference. You guessed it, the holy bible. The more and more I read anything in this book, I literally crack the hell up(pun intended). For the most part, I usually read it to prove myself wrong, maybe I am just hurt by events of late and want to use something to place blame on. I know that it was time for me to write. When my sleep pattern is fucked up for 2 or more days, there is something waiting to come out. Well, here goes nothing.

I have concluded that believing in any organized religion can only be done with people that are not intelligent. The smart ones, are the ones pimping it, and taking these fools money. Cannot be too mad at that shit. I am sure that all of the television preachers we see late at night, as soon as that camera is off, denounce Christ, deny the holy spirit, and carry on their merry way. I mean blessed way.

But let me look at this shit, this book, the bible.

Genesis 6:7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

WTF?!!!! Dude, we were made in your image, and now you just like fuck it? That’s like a deadbeat dad if I ever seen one.

Maybe I shouldn’t have my television on these late night televangical shows. It is funny because you have this dude named Bishop Jordan with his block, running god’s game on us. And damnit if Rev Ike is not there talking on his behalf. What does this fool Ike say? “Point your finger at the prophet’s mouth, and say; there is money in the mouth of the prophet. Holy shit, yes, because that nigga is eating their damn money up. A room full of people too.

Wait, is this dude talking with his Bluetooth in his ear? Hells naw. Wait, so god is on the mainline, but on the Bluetooth?

Let me get back into the word. So god, the loving god, he loves us so much that he gave his only son up, so that we can have eternal life. Now, I know tis is old testament, but why in the world did this loving god drown the fuck out of every living thing on earth? Wait, it gets better. God also is saying to me that incest is cool. So noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives, are all the humans left. So I am assuming that cousins had to fuck to re-populate the earth.

But when you think of that story, we all know its bullshit. I guess it was a little joke, or something to make the people fear, fear the god that loves them, fear his ass, because he will open up the gates son!


I am serious when I say this book is pure satire. I don’t know if anyone has ever heard a very popular joke that all comedians know, and I heard, tell it to each other. Well, it is called the aristocrats. Gilbert Gottfried telling it the best in my opinion, Bob Saget, coming in a close second. The joke is so disgusting, and vile, and just so far left that there is really no way to clean it up, you just have to go all out. Basically, when you tell it, do your best to say the most gross shit you can think of. When I think of this joke, I think of the story of Lot.

Now, this dude Lot, had the misfortune of living in Sodom, of the Sodom, and Gomorrah fame. He was a good dude, he and his family were good people. But outside his house’s doors? Ohhhhh shit. It was a freakshow. I happen to know some people that have told me how bad it really was there. Fundamentalists can paint a picture of what was going on there in that time. I mean cats were fucking fish, the fish were giving kangaroos blow jobs, dogs were getting fucked by antelopes , women laid with other women, or both at the same time, men were fucking men, and god, when he heard of this shit, well damnit, he sent a couple of angels down to see what was good. That kind of messed me up, because omnipotent, I thought meant knows it all. I could be wrong, or maybe god was busy smiting a village or something. So here goes, I need to break this down in my own way;

Genesis 19
19:1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
The worse thing they could have done was to visit. This makes me so nervous.
Skip a few things and bam!

19:4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:

Now, I am guessing that this could be a welcoming committee or something.

19:5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.

Ahhh, they wanted to fuck the angels in the ass. Or maybe it was the antelopes. Some welcoming party.


19:6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
19:7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly

Look at ole Lot, begging his neighbors not to fuck the angels. Now, they are angels, so they look angelic, pretty wings and shit, flowing white robes. Golden angel hair. It is a possibility, that they thought these angels were women. But damn, that’s right, in those days women weren’t allowed shit, they couldn’t even be angels. But Lot, being the god fearing man he is, has a better offer.

19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?!!!! Lot, you sly bastard! What loyalty you have to god, you give up your precious daughters, in place of some metrosexual looking angels, damn. Now that is what I call faith. But as Lot’s story goes on, we can see the pervert he is. Righteous he is. But the angels told Lot, to pack his shit, and they took his family out of there, Lot’s poor wife looked back, turned to salt and what not, doesn’t matter, she didn’t have a name anyways. Long story short, they go, shack up in a cave, the kids get their pops drunk, fuck him, and have kids by their own pops.

THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!

Is it safe to say that god didn’t show his ass back on earth since he lost a wrestling match to Jacob? The old testament is funny. Its actually scary. I can watch back to back to back Steven King books, and be less nervous or scared. I have been drinking the blood of jesus all night. All I have to do is eat some bread, and I am one foot in the door. Later on today, since it is Sunday, I am going to go to the store. And whoever I see working, I am going to kill them with this samurai sword ive had for some years. Bastards aren’t going to be working on the Sabbath in my hood, and get away with it.

Too be continued…. I’m sleepy



Okay, I woke up from my nap. God came to me in a dreamy vision. What thou said to me was something I cannot forgeteth; “I stiffen thine secret place for joy comes in the morning.” Wtf does that mean?

So, it is Sunday, and I am reading the new testament. Oh boy! Classic stuff here pal. Lets listen to some gems from Jesus, shall we? The old testament isn’t the only part that is royally crazy.

Matthew
18:8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

You have got to be kidding me Jesus. How many times has this happened? Who in the world is going to cut off their hands? Wait, and how does the hand cause anyone to sin? Well, in some ways I can see my hand doing some serious sinning with myself. But if loving me is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But the damned foot, Jesus, the foot? Did this fool say it is better to be maimed? Damn lunatic.

18:9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire

How does one see thy good works if thy gouged out thine eye? This is absurd. There was some singer some time ago that did that foolish shit. See how religion is the worse thing to happen to man, and not to mention R&B.

This is my favorite on the bullshit meter. This is guaranteed to piss off any Christian, really. It must suck when god’s unchanging perfect word makes them realize they have been bamboozled.

16:16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned
16:17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
16:18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

I really wonder how many fools drank some poison because of this crap right here. I can just imagine, sitting there dying and what not;

“Cough, cough, wheeze, I guess it is god’s will, and I am dying from this here cyanide< cough wheeze”

Damn fools.

Matthew
10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law
10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

Here’s the killer for me right here;

10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

WTF Jesus? You are on some real egotistical shit aren’t you? So I should just not give a rat’s ass about my kids, or worry about you not being my friend? That’s pretty damned dumb. I can see my parents, and my kids, but you have never came to check me out, no matter how many times I asked. Not even a get well card when I caught the claps from that chick in the choir. SMH.

Luke
14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple



What a jack ass. Good to know you love me. I think.

This is tiring again already. I really, really at some point tried to believe. But there is just something about me that prevents me from doing so. I just have the ability to think for myself. Blind faith is absurd. Do you know how long you will be waiting around? Some people have said that it is better to believe, just in case there is a deity, and it would be far better to believe blindly, than not to believe only to find out, there is a god when you die, and then GASP, have to answer for not having faith. But there you have it. People just need to feel better about death, or dying, so for ages, this whole made up business of a guy in the sky shit has been making people cope with it. In 2007, I lost so many people in my life, and not one has come back and told me how it is on the other side. In my life, no one has come back and told me that heaven was the bomb, and the shrimp cocktail was immaculate. Not once. And I truly wanted to believe they were with the sky dude, chilling. There is nothing better than being able to think critically. Some of you should try it sometimes.

The Complaint Line

384-7636

These whore stories are too damn personal. I really do not want to take another entrance exam to go back to school. I am very serious when I say I am going to answer most, if not all questions; ABACABADABADABA, in that order. Shit, do SAT scores expire? I figure they were good enough then, shit, and damn.

Hey There Crazy, Is This Seat Taken?

I like crazy people. No, I love crazy people. I mean I lovvvveeee crazy people. I know I do, and you know why? Yup, you guessed it, because I am just as crazy.
Now, I think there are certain levels of crazy though. if I get to the level of crazy, where I shit in a frying pan, season it, put some oil in it, and try to fry it by holding a match under it, that wouldn't make me crazy. I would be crazy if I didn't realize the match was burning my fingers.
One day I was bored and decided to write down a list of relationships, good or bad. Now, not just romantic ones, but any type. At some point you go through the names, and say; "Yeah, that fool was crazy". But, you need to realize that if that person was crazy, wouldn't you be just as insane to have dealt with them? Makes sense to me.
Now, what makes someone crazy? Hmmm, good question. I always wondered if certain situations make people crazy too. I know that if I meet a "regular non crazy" chick, her ass will be crazy when I'm done with her ass. However, being that I am already crazy, I will attract only crazy chicks. I don't believe in the bible nonsense, but I do believe in energy, and the power of the mind. So if I send out crazy energy, what the hell else will I get?

I'm on my blackberry. Something smells funny. It’s not me this time I promise.

I knew I was crazy when I was a kid. I try not to blame it on molestation, or the fact that the back of my head was bust open, to the white meat, same spot but different occasions, nooooo. I should though, don't ya think? I remember how quick tempered I was. I would occasionally black out and beat the hell out of one of my friends. I had to be crazy, because they always had older bigger brothers, who in turn would fuck me up. All is fair in love and crazy I suppose.
I met a chick once from black planet, her name was beautifully7krazy. Guess what? She is just that. what's fucking with we are in court right now fighting over my child. Oh, didn't meet her on BP, wish I did, because then, it was only jump off city for me.
I may be crazy, but there are ones that are even crazier. People that use all their energy, to try not to appear crazy. When folks go way out to be nice, or to make it seem like their shit is together, they are crazy too. But it takes a special someone like me to bring it out.
Pussy and dick can make folks crazy too. Once, or I should say a few times, I was out driving around with a friend, smoking weed, drinking or whatever. He had me pull up to his baby mother's apartment building, in the back. We get out, but we don't go in. We are chilling in the damn cut. So I ask;

"Dude, don't you want to go inside?"

"Nah, we can chill and smoke right here yo"

"Nigga, we can go back in my car, its cold as fuck"

"Nah man, I'm about to catch this bitch cheating"

"By standing in the alleyway? Don't you have keys?"

"True"

See, it happens. I know I have given mr girthy left hooker to a few chicks that may have went bonkers at some point. You know they crazy when they banging on your door at 2am, talking about "I couldn't sleep". Well damnit, now I can't. The worst are the married broads. If you are getting fucked properly by me, and you even consider leaving the fool who said his "I do" in the name of love, then, you are fucking crazy.

Keep in mind that I am crazy. Years ago, when I was maybe 19/20, I dealt with, for the first time, a married woman. I know she was way older than I was, but didn't look it. She was actually drop dead fine. But, just because you are gorgeous, doesn't mean you are sane. She would want to go out in public, to places in the daytime, actual daytime. Crazy!!! We cannot be in no damn red lobster on route 22, during lunch. WTF?!!
But since I am crazy, I rolled with it. Nothing like the threat of death by a nigga sticking a king crab leg through your heart. I'm glad I left that alone. However, when you a youngin, man listen, that older pussy, its like, its like heaven wrapped in velvet filled with butter.

We are all crazy. We have all been in crazy situations. And at some point, we all will be in one or more. Be careful who you point a finger at, because for that one finger you are pointing, there are people that know who you really are, and they not only point; but laugh too.

But He Loves You.....

Well, Honestly Speaking...

Honestly, honesty is not the best policy.
It isn't at all. I decided that from this point I am just going to lie. For the longest, I really felt good about myself because, I didn't see the point in lying. I was waiting to go into court one day, and me and this dude got to talking. For some reason, people always tend to strike up random conversations with me. Good ones, and some outrageous ones.
Well, anyway, me and this dude is talking, and we are discussing how "bitches aint shit". I'm sorry ladies, but we do. It is a hot topic between us men at all times. Its not meant to be disrespectful or anything. But since yall are so quick to say we aren't, we counter, its science.

We discussed how it is better to lie. Like, what is the purpose of telling your girl, about a platonic female friend? There is no purpose to do so. This friend can be the biggest lesbian to hit the streets since Roz from night court. Even with all that, you know what you get asked? YOU WANT TO FUCK HER?!!!
And you're like;

"Babe, her dick is probably bigger than mine."

Doesn't matter though, her follow up with;
"Well, you want to suck her dick?!!"

At that point, you realize it is just better to change the subject to something like shoes, or flowers. You know, something you have no interest in, but she will go on for days, and all you have to do is nod your head, and throw in a few "uh huhs."

Back to lying. I just want to experience how it feels to make up outlandish shit. Today, I think I am going to be a lawyer. Soon as I get home, I am going to look up law terms. I'm on my blackberry. I know you could say that I can look it up on the blackberry, but I am a liar now, so I will just say, my internet blackberry is in the shop. That is so fucking liberating. Now the truth is actually that my former place of employment, has put a warning that no one should touch this account. See, companies/management hates when you tell them to go fuck themselves. Another honest moment gone wrong.

Another thing about honesty is that, when you are honest with someone about some things, shit can be thrown in your face. Much like when you are in the back seat of a car, and the person in front of you spits out the window when going like 50mph.

I have a funny story about someone I met on the web. Now, I talked to this chick for a while before meeting. And after a while I asked for pic, that's internet pimping protocol 101. So, I get a pic of this chicks mom, she didn't say that was her, she said that's what she looked like. WTF?! Now when she did send me a pic of herself, she scanned one, and put a post it, to cover her mouth and nose. WTF#2!!

Okay, it is what it is, right? So as it goes, one day she tells me she needs surgery on her nose, due to nosebleeds. I'm sure I heard of that before. But she was a "model" and had to fly frequently. When I saw her, her nose was pointy, like ya know, it wasn't "ethnic.". Not like the picture of her momma's nose. Not like pops, sister, brother, etc. Where the fuck did this roman nose come from? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Rhinoplasty.

But, I'm sure that was liberating enough. That is my new shit now. I was talking to an old female friend not too long ago. And she told me she is so sick of liars, that she is just going to join the club. By the time we got off the phone, she had a new name, and occupation. She is a chemist during the day, but a physical therapist outside of work. And its cool too, because the firm I am a partner in, handles major malpractice suits.

I would like to expound(sat word) on it, but I'm due in court in 2 mins.