Insane

Let’s discuss insanity.

I am going to use one of my favorite fictional books as a reference. You guessed it, the holy bible. The more and more I read anything in this book, I literally crack the hell up(pun intended). For the most part, I usually read it to prove myself wrong, maybe I am just hurt by events of late and want to use something to place blame on. I know that it was time for me to write. When my sleep pattern is fucked up for 2 or more days, there is something waiting to come out. Well, here goes nothing.

I have concluded that believing in any organized religion can only be done with people that are not intelligent. The smart ones, are the ones pimping it, and taking these fools money. Cannot be too mad at that shit. I am sure that all of the television preachers we see late at night, as soon as that camera is off, denounce Christ, deny the holy spirit, and carry on their merry way. I mean blessed way.

But let me look at this shit, this book, the bible.

Genesis 6:7 And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

WTF?!!!! Dude, we were made in your image, and now you just like fuck it? That’s like a deadbeat dad if I ever seen one.

Maybe I shouldn’t have my television on these late night televangical shows. It is funny because you have this dude named Bishop Jordan with his block, running god’s game on us. And damnit if Rev Ike is not there talking on his behalf. What does this fool Ike say? “Point your finger at the prophet’s mouth, and say; there is money in the mouth of the prophet. Holy shit, yes, because that nigga is eating their damn money up. A room full of people too.

Wait, is this dude talking with his Bluetooth in his ear? Hells naw. Wait, so god is on the mainline, but on the Bluetooth?

Let me get back into the word. So god, the loving god, he loves us so much that he gave his only son up, so that we can have eternal life. Now, I know tis is old testament, but why in the world did this loving god drown the fuck out of every living thing on earth? Wait, it gets better. God also is saying to me that incest is cool. So noah, his wife, his sons, and their wives, are all the humans left. So I am assuming that cousins had to fuck to re-populate the earth.

But when you think of that story, we all know its bullshit. I guess it was a little joke, or something to make the people fear, fear the god that loves them, fear his ass, because he will open up the gates son!


I am serious when I say this book is pure satire. I don’t know if anyone has ever heard a very popular joke that all comedians know, and I heard, tell it to each other. Well, it is called the aristocrats. Gilbert Gottfried telling it the best in my opinion, Bob Saget, coming in a close second. The joke is so disgusting, and vile, and just so far left that there is really no way to clean it up, you just have to go all out. Basically, when you tell it, do your best to say the most gross shit you can think of. When I think of this joke, I think of the story of Lot.

Now, this dude Lot, had the misfortune of living in Sodom, of the Sodom, and Gomorrah fame. He was a good dude, he and his family were good people. But outside his house’s doors? Ohhhhh shit. It was a freakshow. I happen to know some people that have told me how bad it really was there. Fundamentalists can paint a picture of what was going on there in that time. I mean cats were fucking fish, the fish were giving kangaroos blow jobs, dogs were getting fucked by antelopes , women laid with other women, or both at the same time, men were fucking men, and god, when he heard of this shit, well damnit, he sent a couple of angels down to see what was good. That kind of messed me up, because omnipotent, I thought meant knows it all. I could be wrong, or maybe god was busy smiting a village or something. So here goes, I need to break this down in my own way;

Genesis 19
19:1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
The worse thing they could have done was to visit. This makes me so nervous.
Skip a few things and bam!

19:4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:

Now, I am guessing that this could be a welcoming committee or something.

19:5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.

Ahhh, they wanted to fuck the angels in the ass. Or maybe it was the antelopes. Some welcoming party.


19:6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
19:7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly

Look at ole Lot, begging his neighbors not to fuck the angels. Now, they are angels, so they look angelic, pretty wings and shit, flowing white robes. Golden angel hair. It is a possibility, that they thought these angels were women. But damn, that’s right, in those days women weren’t allowed shit, they couldn’t even be angels. But Lot, being the god fearing man he is, has a better offer.

19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?!!!! Lot, you sly bastard! What loyalty you have to god, you give up your precious daughters, in place of some metrosexual looking angels, damn. Now that is what I call faith. But as Lot’s story goes on, we can see the pervert he is. Righteous he is. But the angels told Lot, to pack his shit, and they took his family out of there, Lot’s poor wife looked back, turned to salt and what not, doesn’t matter, she didn’t have a name anyways. Long story short, they go, shack up in a cave, the kids get their pops drunk, fuck him, and have kids by their own pops.

THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!

Is it safe to say that god didn’t show his ass back on earth since he lost a wrestling match to Jacob? The old testament is funny. Its actually scary. I can watch back to back to back Steven King books, and be less nervous or scared. I have been drinking the blood of jesus all night. All I have to do is eat some bread, and I am one foot in the door. Later on today, since it is Sunday, I am going to go to the store. And whoever I see working, I am going to kill them with this samurai sword ive had for some years. Bastards aren’t going to be working on the Sabbath in my hood, and get away with it.

Too be continued…. I’m sleepy



Okay, I woke up from my nap. God came to me in a dreamy vision. What thou said to me was something I cannot forgeteth; “I stiffen thine secret place for joy comes in the morning.” Wtf does that mean?

So, it is Sunday, and I am reading the new testament. Oh boy! Classic stuff here pal. Lets listen to some gems from Jesus, shall we? The old testament isn’t the only part that is royally crazy.

Matthew
18:8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

You have got to be kidding me Jesus. How many times has this happened? Who in the world is going to cut off their hands? Wait, and how does the hand cause anyone to sin? Well, in some ways I can see my hand doing some serious sinning with myself. But if loving me is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But the damned foot, Jesus, the foot? Did this fool say it is better to be maimed? Damn lunatic.

18:9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire

How does one see thy good works if thy gouged out thine eye? This is absurd. There was some singer some time ago that did that foolish shit. See how religion is the worse thing to happen to man, and not to mention R&B.

This is my favorite on the bullshit meter. This is guaranteed to piss off any Christian, really. It must suck when god’s unchanging perfect word makes them realize they have been bamboozled.

16:16 He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned
16:17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
16:18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

I really wonder how many fools drank some poison because of this crap right here. I can just imagine, sitting there dying and what not;

“Cough, cough, wheeze, I guess it is god’s will, and I am dying from this here cyanide< cough wheeze”

Damn fools.

Matthew
10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law
10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

Here’s the killer for me right here;

10:37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

WTF Jesus? You are on some real egotistical shit aren’t you? So I should just not give a rat’s ass about my kids, or worry about you not being my friend? That’s pretty damned dumb. I can see my parents, and my kids, but you have never came to check me out, no matter how many times I asked. Not even a get well card when I caught the claps from that chick in the choir. SMH.

Luke
14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple



What a jack ass. Good to know you love me. I think.

This is tiring again already. I really, really at some point tried to believe. But there is just something about me that prevents me from doing so. I just have the ability to think for myself. Blind faith is absurd. Do you know how long you will be waiting around? Some people have said that it is better to believe, just in case there is a deity, and it would be far better to believe blindly, than not to believe only to find out, there is a god when you die, and then GASP, have to answer for not having faith. But there you have it. People just need to feel better about death, or dying, so for ages, this whole made up business of a guy in the sky shit has been making people cope with it. In 2007, I lost so many people in my life, and not one has come back and told me how it is on the other side. In my life, no one has come back and told me that heaven was the bomb, and the shrimp cocktail was immaculate. Not once. And I truly wanted to believe they were with the sky dude, chilling. There is nothing better than being able to think critically. Some of you should try it sometimes.

The Complaint Line

384-7636

These whore stories are too damn personal. I really do not want to take another entrance exam to go back to school. I am very serious when I say I am going to answer most, if not all questions; ABACABADABADABA, in that order. Shit, do SAT scores expire? I figure they were good enough then, shit, and damn.

Hey There Crazy, Is This Seat Taken?

I like crazy people. No, I love crazy people. I mean I lovvvveeee crazy people. I know I do, and you know why? Yup, you guessed it, because I am just as crazy.
Now, I think there are certain levels of crazy though. if I get to the level of crazy, where I shit in a frying pan, season it, put some oil in it, and try to fry it by holding a match under it, that wouldn't make me crazy. I would be crazy if I didn't realize the match was burning my fingers.
One day I was bored and decided to write down a list of relationships, good or bad. Now, not just romantic ones, but any type. At some point you go through the names, and say; "Yeah, that fool was crazy". But, you need to realize that if that person was crazy, wouldn't you be just as insane to have dealt with them? Makes sense to me.
Now, what makes someone crazy? Hmmm, good question. I always wondered if certain situations make people crazy too. I know that if I meet a "regular non crazy" chick, her ass will be crazy when I'm done with her ass. However, being that I am already crazy, I will attract only crazy chicks. I don't believe in the bible nonsense, but I do believe in energy, and the power of the mind. So if I send out crazy energy, what the hell else will I get?

I'm on my blackberry. Something smells funny. It’s not me this time I promise.

I knew I was crazy when I was a kid. I try not to blame it on molestation, or the fact that the back of my head was bust open, to the white meat, same spot but different occasions, nooooo. I should though, don't ya think? I remember how quick tempered I was. I would occasionally black out and beat the hell out of one of my friends. I had to be crazy, because they always had older bigger brothers, who in turn would fuck me up. All is fair in love and crazy I suppose.
I met a chick once from black planet, her name was beautifully7krazy. Guess what? She is just that. what's fucking with we are in court right now fighting over my child. Oh, didn't meet her on BP, wish I did, because then, it was only jump off city for me.
I may be crazy, but there are ones that are even crazier. People that use all their energy, to try not to appear crazy. When folks go way out to be nice, or to make it seem like their shit is together, they are crazy too. But it takes a special someone like me to bring it out.
Pussy and dick can make folks crazy too. Once, or I should say a few times, I was out driving around with a friend, smoking weed, drinking or whatever. He had me pull up to his baby mother's apartment building, in the back. We get out, but we don't go in. We are chilling in the damn cut. So I ask;

"Dude, don't you want to go inside?"

"Nah, we can chill and smoke right here yo"

"Nigga, we can go back in my car, its cold as fuck"

"Nah man, I'm about to catch this bitch cheating"

"By standing in the alleyway? Don't you have keys?"

"True"

See, it happens. I know I have given mr girthy left hooker to a few chicks that may have went bonkers at some point. You know they crazy when they banging on your door at 2am, talking about "I couldn't sleep". Well damnit, now I can't. The worst are the married broads. If you are getting fucked properly by me, and you even consider leaving the fool who said his "I do" in the name of love, then, you are fucking crazy.

Keep in mind that I am crazy. Years ago, when I was maybe 19/20, I dealt with, for the first time, a married woman. I know she was way older than I was, but didn't look it. She was actually drop dead fine. But, just because you are gorgeous, doesn't mean you are sane. She would want to go out in public, to places in the daytime, actual daytime. Crazy!!! We cannot be in no damn red lobster on route 22, during lunch. WTF?!!
But since I am crazy, I rolled with it. Nothing like the threat of death by a nigga sticking a king crab leg through your heart. I'm glad I left that alone. However, when you a youngin, man listen, that older pussy, its like, its like heaven wrapped in velvet filled with butter.

We are all crazy. We have all been in crazy situations. And at some point, we all will be in one or more. Be careful who you point a finger at, because for that one finger you are pointing, there are people that know who you really are, and they not only point; but laugh too.

But He Loves You.....

Well, Honestly Speaking...

Honestly, honesty is not the best policy.
It isn't at all. I decided that from this point I am just going to lie. For the longest, I really felt good about myself because, I didn't see the point in lying. I was waiting to go into court one day, and me and this dude got to talking. For some reason, people always tend to strike up random conversations with me. Good ones, and some outrageous ones.
Well, anyway, me and this dude is talking, and we are discussing how "bitches aint shit". I'm sorry ladies, but we do. It is a hot topic between us men at all times. Its not meant to be disrespectful or anything. But since yall are so quick to say we aren't, we counter, its science.

We discussed how it is better to lie. Like, what is the purpose of telling your girl, about a platonic female friend? There is no purpose to do so. This friend can be the biggest lesbian to hit the streets since Roz from night court. Even with all that, you know what you get asked? YOU WANT TO FUCK HER?!!!
And you're like;

"Babe, her dick is probably bigger than mine."

Doesn't matter though, her follow up with;
"Well, you want to suck her dick?!!"

At that point, you realize it is just better to change the subject to something like shoes, or flowers. You know, something you have no interest in, but she will go on for days, and all you have to do is nod your head, and throw in a few "uh huhs."

Back to lying. I just want to experience how it feels to make up outlandish shit. Today, I think I am going to be a lawyer. Soon as I get home, I am going to look up law terms. I'm on my blackberry. I know you could say that I can look it up on the blackberry, but I am a liar now, so I will just say, my internet blackberry is in the shop. That is so fucking liberating. Now the truth is actually that my former place of employment, has put a warning that no one should touch this account. See, companies/management hates when you tell them to go fuck themselves. Another honest moment gone wrong.

Another thing about honesty is that, when you are honest with someone about some things, shit can be thrown in your face. Much like when you are in the back seat of a car, and the person in front of you spits out the window when going like 50mph.

I have a funny story about someone I met on the web. Now, I talked to this chick for a while before meeting. And after a while I asked for pic, that's internet pimping protocol 101. So, I get a pic of this chicks mom, she didn't say that was her, she said that's what she looked like. WTF?! Now when she did send me a pic of herself, she scanned one, and put a post it, to cover her mouth and nose. WTF#2!!

Okay, it is what it is, right? So as it goes, one day she tells me she needs surgery on her nose, due to nosebleeds. I'm sure I heard of that before. But she was a "model" and had to fly frequently. When I saw her, her nose was pointy, like ya know, it wasn't "ethnic.". Not like the picture of her momma's nose. Not like pops, sister, brother, etc. Where the fuck did this roman nose come from? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Rhinoplasty.

But, I'm sure that was liberating enough. That is my new shit now. I was talking to an old female friend not too long ago. And she told me she is so sick of liars, that she is just going to join the club. By the time we got off the phone, she had a new name, and occupation. She is a chemist during the day, but a physical therapist outside of work. And its cool too, because the firm I am a partner in, handles major malpractice suits.

I would like to expound(sat word) on it, but I'm due in court in 2 mins.

THE YEAR OR SOMETHING LIKE IT ~~ PART ONE

Ah ha, another year down and gone. I am quite surprised I made it through. The beginning of 2007 was just crazy, and now I look back on it, and take a deep sigh of relief. I am guessing 2008 will have to be a bang up year, it has to be. In years past, I probably kept on with the same patterns. Oh shit, I can see this is going to be a lot of randomness in this here post. I don’t know just how many times I have to wake up, and see things for what they are, I mean finally see. I used to fight for things that aren’t really worth fighting for, now I am just like “fuck it” because I don’t need any bullshit in my life. A little over a year ago, I was in therapy, and the counselor and I had a lot of heart to hearts, or I should say crazy to therapist. She knows me better than my own mother knows me, I let her know some grimy details, even things I haven’t even posted on here. We would discuss many things in the time I had to talk, and thank goodness for health insurance, because I would not be able to afford that shit on my own. One day she asked me right at the beginning; “Why do you fight the battles that aren’t worth it in the end?” That was a good question. She pulled out her notes and started mentioning things I told her in previous sessions. She then began to run down things and people I may consider cutting out of my life. Everyone mentioned was toxic, but I am more loyal than I give myself credit for. I can laugh about it now. Back then, my ex would drive up there with me a couple of times, and my therapist was adamant on my dropping her like a bad habit. And the funny thing is that the chick would ask me what we talked about, and (lol) my response was always “oh nothing, just private stuff.” I learn the hard way I guess.

The end of 2007, this insane “fuck it” attitude came over me, I men it always does, but this one is for keeps. I can give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. My trust level, as I said is at an all time low. But that is a good thing, a very good thing. All it is taking now is just a word or a feeling, and it’s a wrap. Call me president bush or something. Because now its either, you are with me or against me. Man, I have even went back in my thoughts, sat back and thought; “damn, that dude was on some bullshit, fuck ‘em too.” Or something like; “that chick isn’t even worth talking too.” Now I have my own personal myspace page in my mind. (click)EDIT FRIENDS (click) DELETE – ARE YOU SURE? (click) YOU GODDAMNED RIGHT I’M SURE!

This is all bittersweet too. In 2008 I have decided to just do what I have to do for me. It isn’t like I wasn’t before, but this year is different. For a while I am going to love my child from a far distance. I cannot do it anymore. I am tired of the bullshit that goes down with her mother. I am tired of gong to court for bullshit reasons. I am tired of just asking and trying to be a good parent, being the ONLY good parent. I mean, how hard is it to wash a kids clothes, or to have them in bed by a certain hour, or to teach them how to tie their own shoe, or teach them how to read? I don’t think it is hard at all, and al of those things I love doing with my child, but I will not subscribe to the non sense of the custodial parent. For example, not too long ago, my child and I had a great week, took her and picked her up from school, went to the library, tried to teach her to tie her shoe, and if that wasn’t enough, when we got home, it was reading time for an hour and a half. I mean damn, how much better can it get? Now, my child’ mom, boy oh boy is she a doozy. I can make an entire blog on her lack of mothering skills, a blog that would make this one look exactly like the shit it is. SHI-TAY!

This chick has my kid in church 6 days out of the week, until 11, maybe 12 at night. Not one night, but 5 to 6 days. I mean, even Jesus would be like slow the fuck down. I pick my child up from school. Hair is a fucking mess, clothes are a fucking mess, shoes and coats that I bought, are a fucking mess. One day I went to get her, I damn near fell out. She had my daughter looking like a refugee that came over from border of Dominican Republic and Haiti, on an inner tube and a strong dirty wind. At the time I had not seen my daughter in maybe a month or so, maybe more. Everytime I tried to get her, there was an excuse. No biggie, but still. What I do when I get my kid is take her somewhere immediately to get her hair done, it is a must, especially since when I try to do it, you can pick up space signals from the way I have her pony tails. This last time I surprised her, and got her from school, her hair had the same braids, bows, and style it was from 5 weeks prior. I mean, there wasn’t even an attempt to try to do it in over a month!!! A fucking month?!!! This is the type of shit I have been dealing with all these years, and I am tired. I will have my daughter longer than the weekend I am supposed to have her, and I do not hear from her mother until the following Monday or Tuesday. No contact, no way to reach her, or the calls are screened. I came to this love from a distance thing, because, when my daughter is with me, and she goes home she tells her mom what she did with her dad, and I am sure there is some jealousy. The last time I told the mom I was going to get my kid from school, the bitch said she would call the cops and tell them I kidnapped her. Now, what type of bullshit is that? She has crossed me many times before, and I will be damned if I get locked up again over another lie. It hurts like hell to think of doing it, but I cant deal with bullshit anymore. I am one of the fathers out here that gives a fuck, but the courts don’t know, better yet, they don’t care. I am just another nigger with a child out of wedlock. I am just another nigger that they say has some rights, but in reality, the only right I have is to pay child support. No rights in decision making. For me it’s over. No more bullshit. I’m done with it.

I am free to go.

This has been in the planning for some time. I’m out. I don’t know when exactly, but I am getting the fuck out of here somehow, going somewhere. I keep forgetting to call up sprint and change my cell number. I have some loyalty to the number, I mean I have had it for damn near three years. The shit is all over my resume. I guess that would be an easy fix. 2008 has to be the year for me, where I am like forget it all. I don’t have anymore responsibilities bogging me down. Nothing major anyways. A long time ago, I would just be ready to bounce, and then you had the naysayers, talking that “oh, what about this person and that person.” LOL, fuck it now. My responsibility is to me, and no one else. A selfish attitude, yes. But who in this world gets anywhere in life without being a tad bit selfish? If you know me, you would know that normally, I don’t have a problem sharing with anyone, I really don’t, if I have it, it’s yours, if I don’t, we can split what I got.

The neighbors are loud as fuck!



Open Letter Time.

Sweetie you must have lost your mind if you think I will relinquish the remote. I LOL at that. Ya hear me? LOL. You are a blessing, and have been for years. WTF took you so long to come around anyways? I blame you for this bullshit that has happened in the last, lets say seven years. Lord, you owe me big time. How can you have a shoe size the same as the ring size? It has to be an act of da lawd. Vegas in march damnit! I don’t think they do shaft weddings. What about a seventies joint? Can I call you “lil stout”? I love you. You know that, right? You do.

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LOL, I saw your comment, but the fact is that you are really a hoe. I mean, don’t be ashamed of it, I mean hoes do what they have to do to survive. What is funny is that I do listen. I hear everything, it may not register at the time. But I do have what people in your faith do not have, and it is called critical thinking. you see, I cant be friends, or aven an associate with your type. Them days are over, and have been for a while. I’m not a child, I don’t like to play games. There’s a saying that you can draw more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. The problem is that you gave away so much honey, that now your shit is looking like vinegar. Damn, do something other than sitting in the house all day, claiming a new man every other week. It’s like now you are just a machine. Niggas know what they are going to do with you, and keep doing with you. Now, the term hoe can be flipped to have a better meaning. It is a tool used to sow fertile earth. You’re fertile, so let them niggas keep sowing. I am glad I didn’t get caught up in that farmland. The milks gone bad. I got me a milf, and thank your invisible Jesus I do.

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Dude, I cant fuck around like that. I don’t get it. Here we are cool as a fan for the most part, but when you get around folks, you start acting funny style. And it isn’t like the other people don’t know us both, but still you want to try to play a nigga out. Wtf is up with that man? But then I had to think. I had to go back in the past. This is what you do. I guess it is your MO or something. Damn, since we were kids, its always been some bullshit. I don’t like coming around, and wondering which nigga is going to show up. I mean is it the same dude I was just laughing about something with? Or is it going to be the dude I have to step on eggshells around. I cant fuck around with fools that want to respect me when it is convenient for them. That shit is absurd. If you can be real with me on Monday, do the same shit on Tuesday. I don’t hate on niggas for what they have, and no one should hate on me because I don’t have to do the shit they do. But, I have been seeing this for years, but I am loyal, too loyal. How loyal are you?

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What’s good e-thug. This is for anyone actually. There are some boards I go on. Some I would frequent, but don’t post on as much. But I just LOL (I actually laugh when I type this), but I just laugh my ass off, to see some people bunjee jumping off of another posters nuts like “wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.” Sad, I tell ya. There is so much pussy on the web, but it takes a special nigga to tell another nigga in private that he fucking some chick. You fucked it up for the next niggas. I mean, unless it is board community pussy, like my ex, but other than that, some niggas is just messy, sloppy. Some niggas is just mad they caught a cramp in the caravan eating snatch, and got no get back (LOL’s again)
Please, for the love of good health, stop trying to start shit where shit doesn’t exist.

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Chelle, I don’t have whore stories, I have save a whore stories. 2008 is going to be a bang up year. I am glad you are my friend. I promise to help you put down the weller’s if you help me with the follow through. I promise not to hit the button, if you promise not to sing don’t drink the wine. I think Korea passed out with some champagne in her hand, last I saw was happy ne…..
Tell ern I read on the news that juvenile was arrested at the Mexican border, they asked him his status, but they couldn’t understand that bayou talk. The federalizes took his ass to jail huh.

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Dude at the liquor store around the corner. I really hope they fire your ass. I mean I don’t wish anyone to lose their gig, but you are the slowest and the worse. I mean, all I ever get is a bottle of red wine. Why the fuck does it take you so long to comprehend what I am saying? I don’t even know what your ethnicity is. I think you are a Punjab, but I am not too sure. And I think another thing is that you look slow. Not like mentally challenged, but just a fucking idiot. I am willing to bet that you dribble drool when you read the Pakistani funny papers. How hard is it to count the change dude? You have a register! I buy a slim jim, fifty cents, fizithty cents, I give you a dollar. BAM! Immediate change man, how hard? But nah, you back there counting with your fingers and shit. Jack ass.


Man, I have some work to do.


Part One